You Are Blocking Your Blessings

Blocking Your Own Blessing


Everyone has preferences when it comes to dating. Though men may be considered the more visual of the sexes, we all want to be with people we deem to be attractive. There's nothing wrong with having your likes and wants - we deal with them every day. What I like, you may not like. What I think is beautiful you may think is nothing special.

I believe that it is perfectly okay to actually know what you want and seek it. The problem usually occurs when you close off great opportunities based on foolish criteria. Most people want physically attractive mates. Flat abs are sexy, nice lips are sexy, beautiful legs, and nice hips are sexy. If possible we would always have our ideal looking mate but we should not rule out people because they do not fully meet this imaginary standard that we have.

Beyond just looks, we have this ridged set of standards and before we give people a chance, we are quickly shutting them out. Sure, no one wants to date someone with bad credit - but maybe the person has a plan to fix that or is already in the process of fixing it. Maybe the person does not have a salary or career that you think is acceptable, but with help and encouragement will have the ability to take things to the next level. Sure, in a perfect world we would meet someone to fulfill our every desire - but this world ain't it.

I have female friends who refuse to date men who are shorter than six feet tall. There is nothing wrong with wanting a taller man but when you purposely shut out men under a certain height, you lessen the chances of finding the right man for you. Seriously I have heard of women not talking to men because they had on a pair of shoes that they didn't like or an article of clothing that they didn’t like. I have male friends who refuse to date dark skinned women and some of them refuse to date black women in general (and they are black themselves). With this stupidity going on, millions of beautiful women and men are cast to the side for a foolish preference that in the end means nothing.

No one person is perfect and no one person will fulfill all of your needs. Not being open to the possibilities will (and has already) stunted most of our progress. Imagine how we feel when someone refuses to give us a chance based on the fact that we didn't meet a certain list of categories. Think about it - no matter how gorgeous or handsome you think you are, someone out there does not find you attractive or at least not attractive enough to date. In the grand scheme of things, we put too much stock in things that really aren't as important as we think they are.

Beauty is nice but it is also fleeting. People go off to war and get their faces blown off. Nice legs are wonderful but people get in accidents daily and lose limbs. People with A-1 credit scores often make bad investments and lose their jobs. I am not saying that we shouldn't seek the best for ourselves but what I am saying is that life is not perfect and neither are you. I am not saying lower your standards or disregard them but just know that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes we emphasize the wrong things and end up with the wrong people because of our own foolish selection guides.

YOU NEED TO KNOW YOURSELF

You Need to Know Yourself


I always strive to be transparent with my wife but I realized that maybe I am not being transparent with myself. Maybe it's easier for me to point out all of the negative traits that she brings to the table and inadvertently gloss over my own. Could I be the one who has not looked deeply enough into my own destructive patterns? Hopefully in stating my negative attributes, I will understand more how I sometimes cause and escalate some of the tense moments within my household.

I hate being wrong! This, I am sure, is no big surprise to people who know me. I always said that no one likes to be wrong, but I take it to the next level and it pains me to not be right. I will argue something to the death of it just to prove that I am right, even when I really don't know that I am. I could try to make excuses for my way of thinking on this subject, but it does not matter. No one likes a supposed know-it-all.

I am moody! Sometimes I wake up on the “wrong side” of the bed. There are times when I just want to sit at home and do absolutely nothing and be by myself. You never really pay attention to these things before marriage because dating is different. When dating you call each other when you want to talk and you see each other when you want to see each other. Marriage is every day which leaves no way of hiding your mood swings. The funny thing about this is that I can't stand moody people!

I am volatile! I do have a very short fuse or what I like to call a “short tolerance for bull crap”. I must admit that I can be quick to become angry and defensive about things. When I feel that someone is trying to attack me or take advantage of me, I attack back. I know that my wife loves me and does not want to cause me pain but I have not fully learned to shut this defense mechanism down. If I feel that she is coming at me wrong, I come back at her and at times the real issue has not been addressed. Being volatile is the way of a foolish man and I know it.

I have too much pride! We have already established that I hate being wrong. Sometimes my pride keeps me from shutting up and conceding. Even when I know myself to be right, my pride keeps me from leaving the matter alone because I am so busy trying to hammer the point home. I can't lie, it pains me to have to say that I am sorry because that would mean that I did something wrong. The Bible speaks about the foolish pride of man and trust me, it is talking about ME. I don't brag about this though, because it was pride that got Lucifer kicked out of heaven. Clearly, I need to do better.

I lack tolerance for others opinions! When my wife does not see things as I do, I tend to take it personally. In my mind I guess I feel that she should think exactly like me on everything even though reality lets me know otherwise. I have a certain code that I govern myself by and I guess in my narcissism I feel that she should know and live by that code also. Don't get me wrong, more times than not my wife will find a compromise and/or understand my point as we talk but that still is not enough for me at times. I guess to me it's like, “well I can't believe that you felt that way from the beginning”.

I can't let things go! People always say that in a marriage, you have to have a short memory. I can't lie to you, my memory is like and Elephant's memory……. on steroids! Sometimes I have the tendency to hold onto things that should have been resolved a while back. Even when I try to let these things go, my actions will show that I still have some type of negative feeling towards the situation. I guess I never realized how much I am like my grandmother. She was a very sensitive woman and sometimes she was overly sensitive.

I am sure that there are other things that can be said about my negative characteristics but these are the main focal points. I realize that I need to stop ignoring them and start working on them. I can’t harp on my wife’s faults - I only have control over MY OWN actions. I have to recognize the wrong that I bring to the table and correct those wrongs. It's not just about my relationship with my wife but also about my relationship with God. Some will judge what I have written and shake their heads in disapproval and in some ways will be justified. I write this so that other people will start evaluating themselves and maybe begin realizing what they are doing wrong on a personal level. An alcoholic will never stop drinking if he does not first realize that he is an alcoholic just as a couple will never understand each other if they first do not understand themselves.

A Letter to My Unborn Child

A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear little one,
I eagerly await your arrival into this world. I have so many things that I would like to do with you and for you. I can't wait to see your smile and hear your laugh. I pray that your lifetime will have more smiles and laughs than hard times and tears but just know, there will be hard times and tears. I wish that I could play your "Guardian Angel" and keep you from the horrible things in life, but I am just a man who must also live under the rules and wants of God.

Unfortunately everyone must go through rough patches in life and you will be no different but if you listen to the things your mother and I tell you, you will be able to minimize the pain. If you live in wisdom, you will see how to keep yourself from the unnecessary heartaches that most people allow into their lives. You won't be alone; I will be here along with your mother, guiding you and molding you. Even when you grow older and go off on your own, we will only be one phone call away from you.

I have made many mistakes in life. On one hand, I would like to keep those things secret from you - on the other hand I want you to know that I have been where you are. There are many things that I was not taught and as a result, learned them the hard way - on my own.. Though some believe this to be the best way to learn, I say a wise man listens to those who have gone before him and chooses a path that does not lead to failure and disappointment. I have foolishly placed my hands on the burning stove and I have the scars to prove it - that is why you don't need to place your hands on that stove to know it burns.

Do not be afraid to live your life with character and morals. People are going to try to make you do things that you already know are wrong. They are going to try to make you feel bad for not doing these things. They will call you out of your name and they will say that you think you are better than them, but that is not your problem. Never feel the need to compromise yourself and you will never feel the sting of regret for doing so.

Always keep in mind that your actions will have consequences to them. When you feel the need to live outside of your values, you must be willing to pay a heavy price. Many men and women will try to get you to compromise yourself for them but listen to that voice of reason inside of you. Many will come into your world and will try to make you do what they want for their own gain. No sooner than you adhere to their demands, they are nowhere to be found and you are left with the lasting memories of your self betrayal.

You are Kings and Queens and no one can force you to be anything less than that. Your worth is not what other people say it is but it is beyond their comprehension. You are worth so much and don't allow yourself to be treated like trash. When you believe in yourself, no one will be able to tear you down or disrespect you. Don't further feed into their hands by disrespecting yourself.

I wish that I could keep you from making mistakes but we all make them. No one on this earth is perfect so never get too down on yourself. Just know that some things are known as mistakes and other things are known as being foolish. A man who puts his hand on the red eye of the stove is a fool but the man who mistakenly places his hand on the eye of the stove that seemingly looks cool, has made a mistake. Both will cause pain however one of them could have been prevented.

Your mother and I are just your earthly parents and the rules and regulations we have used to raise you were learned from our heavenly father. Keep yourself close to Him and I promise you, that even though the world will still be a difficult place to live in, your life will have less dead ends then other people's lives. You won't need to worry about baby mommas and baby daddies. You won't worry about trying to hide how many people you've slept with. You won't need to worry about diseases and foolish heartaches. You will see that the well lit path will never lead you astray but when you deviate from it, you open yourself up for disaster. Stay on the path and if you veer off, have enough sense to get back on.

Shut up sometimes... You are not always right

Shut Up Sometimes...You Are Not Always Right


Do you remember when you first met your mate? It seemed that you spent a great deal of time talking. You talked about everything and it didn't matter what time of the day or night it was, you just wanted to hear each other's voice. At that moment communication was not a problem and yet you didn't know each other. Now that you know each other and are supposedly in love, communication seems to be a foreign concept.

Both sides seem to forget how they were in the beginning. When the other person spoke, we respected them and we actually let them talk. We really wanted to know how the other person was feeling and we were interested in what they were thinking. Over time it seems that we care less about what the other is thinking and what they have to say. Now when it's supposed to be “we”, it has become all about “me”.

Conversations are now less pleasant. We just don't listen to each other. Sure, we hear each other but we really aren't listening. We are so busy thinking of a witty comeback while our spouses are speaking that we don't take into consideration the other person's feelings. We have adopted the mentality that the other person is wrong and we are going to prove it. What we must realize is that sometimes, it's not about right or wrong, it's about how the other person feels.

All too often we try to make our partners look as if they are foolish. We act as if everything that they have to say is baseless. Sometimes when they speak, we roll our eyes or suck our teeth with displeasure. When we do this, we send signals to our loved one that they perceive as us not listening or caring about them. We try to make it seem as if our partner just became crazy and that we cannot understand what they are thinking.

If we are honest with ourselves, most of us would realize that we contribute to the break down in communication with our mates. Though most of us do care about how the other person is feeling, their feelings mean very little to us if they get in the way of our own views. When we think that we are correct and the other person is wrong, we just don't listen to them when they speak. In some cases, we let our partners know how stupid we think they are.

When you think about it, it really is a shame that in order for us to listen to our partners, someone else has to show us their side. I realize that time and some hard feelings can keep us from properly communicating - but this should not be. This bond should be the strongest bond that you have ever had or will ever have. No one from the outside should need to come in and help explain your partner for you.

Sometimes we need to shut up and let our mates speak. We need to let them know that we have heard what they had to say and just walk away to think about what they said. Often times the more we do this, we will see at least some of their point of view. Sometimes we will recognize that we did wrong and sometimes we won't but at least we would have let them have a voice.

We need to understand the negative stance we bring to conversations. When someone says something to us, we tend to become defensive. I can't tell you how many times a conversation has gone south due to the other person trying to defend themselves or by the other person showing signs of annoyance. I understand that when someone tells us something that we don't like, we are going to react but we have to learn to keep our composure.

People also need to be realistic about who they are. News flash - you aren't always right. Sometimes if you shut up long enough, you will see that. Many times we are hypocrites also. We don't want our partners to do and say things we do and say to them. If someone feels as if you are not holding them to the same standards that you hold yourself to, odds are they are going to tune you out.

At the end of the day, we need to practice James 1:19, " My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." A man who is quick to listen shows that he is willing to truly hear what you have to say. A man who is slow to speak shows that he is truly thinking about what you are saying. A man who is slow to anger shows that he is patient and wants to resolve the conflict and not make the situation worse. When it all boils down to it, if you shut up for a second, you just may hear what someone else is trying to tell you, even God!