FELLAS as Much as it Pains Me to Say This...We Have to be Better Husbands

FELLAS as Much as it Pains Me to Say This...We Have to be Better Husbands Yesterday I learned a very humbling truth and that is…....I had no clue on how to be a husband! When I thought about how something like that could happen it didn't take me long to realize why. Let's face it - I was not surrounded by men who knew how to be husbands. My father and mother were divorced when I was four years old. I lived with my grandparents from the time I was four to seventeen and I know for a fact that my grandfather was the worst example of a husband! During my senior year of high school, I lived with my aunt and uncle and to be honest, that was the first time that I saw a husband that I could pattern myself after. And even he didn't completely know what he was doing! Many men - especially black men - are less than prepared to be husbands. This is mainly because often times we never saw an example of what a husband should be. Even though some of my friends grew up with both parents in the household, that did little to prepare them for the duty of being a husband. Most of our thoughts on what being a husband should be like come from a secular viewpoint. The world has a view of what a husband should look like and the Bible has a view on what a husband is. All too often the reason that men fail as husbands is because the world's views and God's view are totally different. Look at the messes that we have made in our marriages. They say that in America the divorce rate is around 50 percent. Many point to the fact that we are living in a "Godless," society as the reasoning behind this. Unfortunately the so-called "heathen," are not the only ones getting divorced. Sorry to say but "Christians," are getting divorced as well. I know a few pastors who have gotten divorced so it's not just the secular community who is killing marriage. It is the lack of knowledge of what being a husband is all about that is destroying the sanctity of the institute. Sure, other reasons contribute to the decline of marriages but at the end of the day God holds men responsible. Men think that being a husband is about being the hunter, gatherer, and protector of the home. While these things are parts of his duties, they are not necessarily what God says he should be. Husbands are supposed to emulate Christ, and as he sacrificed and died for us, we are supposed to do the same for our wives. We say that we would die for our wives yet we refuse to die to self. We don't put our wives first in all things. I know I don't and that is one of the reasons that I fail. We really aren't taught marriage from a biblical precept. So we come into marriage thinking that we can be selfish and that things will work themselves out. We tell ourselves that we will fulfill our duties when she fulfills her duties - which clearly shows that we have conditions to our love. We often lack sacrifice because we were taught to have this macho image. A man who sacrifices too much is considered a punk and is weak but that is not the true definition of sacrifice. There is a difference between being a doormat and sacrificing for your wife and the good of your family. Too bad many of us are not taught the difference. What we are taught is just plain selfishness. We are willing to give to our wives things that don't take much for us to give, but as my wife says, "when the rubber meets the road," we say something different. I suggest that men read For Married Men Only: Three Principles to Ignite Love by Tony Evans. I finished the book in one day and in one day I realized that I have been lacking as a husband. It's one of those things that make you feel like you were living in a matrix. I saw my duties as a husband one way days before and now I see my duties in a much different light. Fellas, I know you are probably going to say that a marriage is about more than just the husband and you are right. However, the family is our duty. God holds us responsible so we have to learn to be better husbands.

Please Don't Forget About Trayvon Martin

Please Do Not Forget About Trayvon Martin

Human beings have short attention spans. One minute we are consumed with something and the next minute we are finding something to replace that interest. The media is the same way - they love a hot story but only until another hot story comes along. God knows that about a month ago I was so tired of hearing about the “Occupy Movements”. Today, you barely know that they are still going on. This world is ever-changing with violence and disasters taking place almost on a daily basis. The news could be reporting on a case that interests us only to break away to some new, over-the-top story.That is why I say, don't forget about Trayvon Martin!

Right now Black America is up in arms about this case. It's not the first time that something like this has happened and I am sure that it will not be the last time. With that being said, we have the ability to make some serious changes to laws and how the system handles these types of cases. I have watched many late night news shows about this case and a lot of the commentators are saying that we will forget about this soon - maybe that's their hope. If we do this, we will be doing ourselves a great injustice and that would not motivate our system to change.

We need to rekindle the fire that Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and many other black Civil Rights leaders started. The courts and the system back then were just as corrupt or even more corrupt than it is now but because we fought, the system had to bend. They didn't bend because they saw the error of their ways. They bent because we would not allow ourselves to continue to be mistreated. Now today we are so comfortable in our settings that we refuse to fight and they keep abusing us. Instead of the entire community getting into the fight, we have one side that refuses to fight, another side who fights foolishly, and another side that fights until they get bored.

We don't have the luxury of having all of these sides. Trayvon is our son, cousin, nephew, friend, and in essence our very selfs. For many of us this story hurts but because it happened hundreds of miles away or because it isn't our child, we aren't taking the action that we should be taking. When people like Zimmerman get away with something like this, it makes it easier for this type of action to continue. It is only a matter of time before one of us gets badly hurt or killed because we looked suspicious to someone.

Please let us continue to keep this story in the news! Let's continue to march, send letters, and do whatever it takes (peacefully) to show that we are not going to forget. Let us not rest until we get justice. Let us stop looking for some great person to save us or some government official and let us take it into our own hands (within the scope of the law). I am proud of what our community is doing thus far but let us not stop until we reach our goal and please please please DO NOT FORGET ABOUT Trayvon Martin!

Marriage Can Make You Stupid

Marriage Can Bring Out The Stupid in All of Us

Have you ever seriously listened to married people fight? Let's be honest for a minute, married people sometimes argue about the craziest things! We have all heard the saying that you shouldn't make a mountain out of a mole hill, but unfortunately we do this too often. Sometimes things that are not even that important become World War III. We end up yelling and attacking each other for things that in the big scheme of things, aren't that important.

I am sure that we have all heard the age old argument about the toilet seat being left up. After all of these years, this same argument has stumped many couples. Wives believe that the toilet seat should be pulled down after the husband uses the bathroom and husbands just don't see the big deal. Still to this day I can get a crowd of men and women riled up if I just mention the subject but no matter how you slice it up, the argument is just ridiculous. Husbands, for your own sanity, please pull the seat down. Wives, if he forgets, just pull the seat down and go about your business. It's just that simple - nothing more and nothing less!

My wife and I used to argue about how we would drive to her mother's house. She likes to go a certain way when she drives and I like to go a certain way when I drive. She says that her way is shorter and to be honest, whether it is or not, I personally like to go the way that I go. Not because I am trying to be difficult or opposite, but because that is what I prefer. We don't have this argument anymore because I realized that in order to not have it, I would just go the way she suggested. Honestly, it just was not worth the conversation.

I know that as human beings, we tend to take things personally but we really have to learn to get over ourselves. Marriage teaches us all that the world does not revolve around us. When we continue to fight over these simple things, we continue to think that the world is revolving around us. Peace in marriage is the responsibility of both partners. A husband shouldn't always have to do something his wife's way in order to keep peace. Wives shouldn't have to always do things the husband's way to keep peace either. It's about compromise and the reason that we don't compromise is because we have a problem with self exaltation!

Men and women usually understand that in life they cannot have everything their way. Yet for some strange reason, we believe that this does not apply to marriage. We seriously have this skewed view of marriage where our partners seem to become our own personal punching bags. If we don't get what we want, then somehow our partner must not love us like they should. Let's be honest for a second and just call it like it really is – at times we are just plain selfish! We want what we want and when we don't get it, then someone (our mate) has to pay.

Honestly, our marriages are too blessed to be stressing over foolishness. Some husbands spend all of their rent money on horse races and getting drunk. Some husbands beat their wives for looking at them funny. Some wives like to go clubbing with the girls and act like they aren't married. Some wives feel like there is nothing wrong with having another man on the side. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that some people have serious issues in their marriages. Arguing over stupid and simple things just show how simple some of us really are. Am I guilty of this sometimes? Of course! That is why I am writing this. I am starting to understand that I need to grow up and that many of our marriages need to grow up as well!