Now It's Time To Man Up And Get My Money Right
I was out with some friends a few years ago when a girl said that she wouldn't date a man unless she saw his credit score. At the time that statement made me mad but my thoughts have since changed on that subject. For so long I didn't understand the importance of getting my finances in order, I thought that if you had enough cash, you could buy whatever you wanted and though that maybe true to a certain extent, having good credit is just as important as having a lot of cash. Unfortunately, too many people are uneducated when it comes to financial literacy. We become too focused on keeping up with the Joneses, amassing huge amounts of debt that we spend years trying to correct.
God knows that I could smack myself for my stupid financial decisions in my teens and early adult years. My family never taught me about saving my money and as I look back, I seriously cannot remember a single conversation about credit. When I think of it, many of them were living check to check and maybe I thought that if I went to college, I would not suffer that same fate. I wish somebody would have said, “Ilex, don't apply for that Macy's card….don't apply for that Burdines card…. don't get all of those credit cards when you don't know how you are going to pay for them”. Someone should have grabbed me by the back of my shirt when companies were trying to entice me with free t-shirts and pizzas on my college campus.
I remember thinking to myself that I would one day make enough money that bad credit wouldn't be a problem -boy was I wrong. Being irresponsible with my credit has caused me a great deal of heartache throughout the years. A few years ago I applied for a job with the U.S. Marshalls Department and I was turned down because my credit was so horrible. Literally, I lost a dream job because of credit. I didn't even know that it was possible to not be hired because of my finances. Besides not getting jobs, I realized that getting loans had become close to impossible. When trying to buy a car, I found someone to give me a loan but the interest rate was so high that it seemed as if I were paying a mortgage. This situation makes matters worse because instead of climbing out of debt, you end up sinking further into it.
Yesterday was another kick in the gut for me because I was turned down for a company American Express card. Honestly, I am so embarrassed by that because even with a corporation backing me, lenders still see me as a threat. I’ve done a much better job with my credit in the past few years but I am still playing catch up. I am still paying back money for cards that I opened up in college and instead of having extra money that I could be saving, I am dealing with my past stupidity. I am trying not to beat myself up about this but I am no longer a single man. My wife has to take this journey with me and I can't help but to feel bad that she has to suffer because of me.
There are too many people like me in the US. We put too much stock in trying to buy material things. We want to look like everyone else or better than everyone else but we can't afford it. It's not until something important comes along that we see how stupid we have been. My wife had a house before we met but I am imagining in horror what a lender would have said if we were going to buy our first house together. Because of my bad credit, the interest rate would probably be something ridiculous. I can't change yesterday. They say that hindsight is biased for a reason. Clearly, if I knew then what I know now I would have done things differently. All I can do now is correct the wrong that I have done and be an example for others of what not to do financially. I want to get my finances in order so when my kids are older, I can show them a positive example and I can help them in their life pursuits. As a man and a husband I want to support my wife and not leave things on her shoulders. At the end of the day I am not longer a boy and now, it is time to man up!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY WIFE
I Am So Grateful For My Wife
What is gratitude? Merriam-Webster defines gratitude as the state of being grateful. The Macmillion dictionary defines it as a feeling of being grateful because someone has given you something or done something for you. No matter the specific definition of the word, we can all find a reason to be grateful. I am grateful for life because many people never reached my age. I am grateful for family and friends because many people have no support. I am grateful for my job because unemployment is extremely high right now. I am grateful to God for loving me even though I don't deserve it and for giving me my wife even though I don't deserve such a wonderful blessing.
My marriage is in no way perfect but as I always say to my friends, "I will take my marriage over being single any day." I think back to my dating days and I realize that a great woman is not as easy to find as people assume. People always say that a good man is hard to find but trust me when I tell you, a good woman is equally as hard to find – and not every woman is marriage material. Like some women, I have been lied to and cheated on. I have been led to believe one thing and the reality was something totally different. There was a time, like most people, I wanted to give up - but I am glad that I didn't.
I am so grateful to have found a woman who is willing to show the same love and respect for me that I show her. When she goes somewhere, I trust that she has my best interests at heart. I am so happy that we have the ability to work things out because most people would rather throw relationships away when they have issues. I am so lucky to have found a woman who does not need me to make her life. She already had a life and she chose to allow me in it. My wife knows how to handle her business and yet still makes me feel that I am needed.
If you knew me, you would know that I love to give gifts. And nothing makes me happier than to see the woman that I love happy. In the past I felt as if people mistook my kindness for weakness. At one point I started to see myself shut down but I am glad that I found a woman who is just like me when it comes to showing how important we are to each other. I never wanted to change as a person because some people did evil deeds against me. My wife helped me regain my trust and ability to give. She brings me home clothes just because she thinks I would look good in them and though I may not always like what she picks up for me, I am thrilled that she thought about me!
I am grateful that someone could see past my imperfections and still decide to stay with me. I know that my wife is a hot commodity because she is beautiful, educated, financially savvy, and just plain sexy. She could have had any man in the world and yet she chose me. I don't think poorly about myself, but no matter what you think about yourself, it is still an honor when someone voluntarily chooses to spend the rest of their days with you and only you. Lastly I am grateful for the struggles of the past because they let me know how wonderful a real relationship can be. I am also grateful for some of the struggles in my marriage because they help me grow as a person. I see what I have as a gift from God, so I am grateful for every minute I have these blessings!
What is gratitude? Merriam-Webster defines gratitude as the state of being grateful. The Macmillion dictionary defines it as a feeling of being grateful because someone has given you something or done something for you. No matter the specific definition of the word, we can all find a reason to be grateful. I am grateful for life because many people never reached my age. I am grateful for family and friends because many people have no support. I am grateful for my job because unemployment is extremely high right now. I am grateful to God for loving me even though I don't deserve it and for giving me my wife even though I don't deserve such a wonderful blessing.
My marriage is in no way perfect but as I always say to my friends, "I will take my marriage over being single any day." I think back to my dating days and I realize that a great woman is not as easy to find as people assume. People always say that a good man is hard to find but trust me when I tell you, a good woman is equally as hard to find – and not every woman is marriage material. Like some women, I have been lied to and cheated on. I have been led to believe one thing and the reality was something totally different. There was a time, like most people, I wanted to give up - but I am glad that I didn't.
I am so grateful to have found a woman who is willing to show the same love and respect for me that I show her. When she goes somewhere, I trust that she has my best interests at heart. I am so happy that we have the ability to work things out because most people would rather throw relationships away when they have issues. I am so lucky to have found a woman who does not need me to make her life. She already had a life and she chose to allow me in it. My wife knows how to handle her business and yet still makes me feel that I am needed.
If you knew me, you would know that I love to give gifts. And nothing makes me happier than to see the woman that I love happy. In the past I felt as if people mistook my kindness for weakness. At one point I started to see myself shut down but I am glad that I found a woman who is just like me when it comes to showing how important we are to each other. I never wanted to change as a person because some people did evil deeds against me. My wife helped me regain my trust and ability to give. She brings me home clothes just because she thinks I would look good in them and though I may not always like what she picks up for me, I am thrilled that she thought about me!
I am grateful that someone could see past my imperfections and still decide to stay with me. I know that my wife is a hot commodity because she is beautiful, educated, financially savvy, and just plain sexy. She could have had any man in the world and yet she chose me. I don't think poorly about myself, but no matter what you think about yourself, it is still an honor when someone voluntarily chooses to spend the rest of their days with you and only you. Lastly I am grateful for the struggles of the past because they let me know how wonderful a real relationship can be. I am also grateful for some of the struggles in my marriage because they help me grow as a person. I see what I have as a gift from God, so I am grateful for every minute I have these blessings!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
NEVER GET TOO COMFORTABLE IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Never Get Too Comfortable in Your Marriage
Most relationships start out the same way. Both men and women seem to put their best foot forward at the beginning. We want to impress each other and show why we should be together as opposed to someone else. We have this burning desire for each other that spark us to go the extra mile, but often times that desire seems to fall by the wayside. It's too bad that we treat each other like we love each other when we first meet but we act as if we don't like each other when we are supposed to be in love.
I truly believe that people need to continue to try to impress each other. When you decide to settle down with someone, that should not give you the license to act as if you don't have to keep trying. I understand that when you commit to someone you feel comfortable with them and you should, but you should also continue to make your partner feel special. Just because you say "I do," and just because you know that your partner is not going anywhere, that does not mean that your work stops there.
It's easy to change when you get married, let's face it, you know a lot more about your partner now then you did in the dating stage. While dating, you seem to be on your best behavior and you would never have thought to disrespect each other. When dating people handle little disagreements in a better way then they do when they get married. I am guilty of this myself, I can't lie, sometimes I don't handle things in the most respectful manner. I can say the same thing for my wife. This, in my opinion, is a big mistake that we have made and it is a big mistake that most people make. Sometimes we tend to lose our friendship when we become too familiar with each other.
Becoming too comfortable with each other can ruin the passion in relationships. I like to call it the Victoria Secret and granny panty syndrome. Have you ever noticed that when you first meet a woman, you never see her granny panties. Your man doesn't come over wearing his underwear and socks with the huge holes in them either. I know that many women will say that cotton underwear are comfortable and I am realistic about the situation, you can't always be sexy. I am sure if a man had to keep digging his underwear out of his behind all of them time, he would want to have some comfortable underwear also. The point of what I am saying is that, we need not take for granted our partner. The things that we did to impress each other before we got married, should be the things that we do to impress each other during our marriages.
Fellas we start out like the most romantic beings that God ever created. We hold hands, we talk softly, we write long notes, and we come with gifts as much as we possibly can. Stop me if you have heard this saying before, "Before we got married you used to bring me flowers and gifts all of the time." When we get married, often times men think that birthdays and Christmas are the only times that we should give gifts. We used to bring little gifts just because. Before we would stay up all night talking to each other and now we act as if we are not interested in what our wives have to say, this should not be.
The beauty of marriage is that you have found someone to spend the rest of your life with. You can and should be the real you however that does not mean that your job is done. Ladies, sometimes wear your sexy undergarments for your man. Fellas stop wearing those funky boxers and socks with the holes in them. Stop talking to each other as if you don't love each other. Fellas (self included) start listening more. Bring home her favorite (whatever) every now and then. Even though you know that you aren't going anywhere, make each other feel like you did when you first started dating. Always try to impress each other and you will always be impressed by each other!
Most relationships start out the same way. Both men and women seem to put their best foot forward at the beginning. We want to impress each other and show why we should be together as opposed to someone else. We have this burning desire for each other that spark us to go the extra mile, but often times that desire seems to fall by the wayside. It's too bad that we treat each other like we love each other when we first meet but we act as if we don't like each other when we are supposed to be in love.
I truly believe that people need to continue to try to impress each other. When you decide to settle down with someone, that should not give you the license to act as if you don't have to keep trying. I understand that when you commit to someone you feel comfortable with them and you should, but you should also continue to make your partner feel special. Just because you say "I do," and just because you know that your partner is not going anywhere, that does not mean that your work stops there.
It's easy to change when you get married, let's face it, you know a lot more about your partner now then you did in the dating stage. While dating, you seem to be on your best behavior and you would never have thought to disrespect each other. When dating people handle little disagreements in a better way then they do when they get married. I am guilty of this myself, I can't lie, sometimes I don't handle things in the most respectful manner. I can say the same thing for my wife. This, in my opinion, is a big mistake that we have made and it is a big mistake that most people make. Sometimes we tend to lose our friendship when we become too familiar with each other.
Becoming too comfortable with each other can ruin the passion in relationships. I like to call it the Victoria Secret and granny panty syndrome. Have you ever noticed that when you first meet a woman, you never see her granny panties. Your man doesn't come over wearing his underwear and socks with the huge holes in them either. I know that many women will say that cotton underwear are comfortable and I am realistic about the situation, you can't always be sexy. I am sure if a man had to keep digging his underwear out of his behind all of them time, he would want to have some comfortable underwear also. The point of what I am saying is that, we need not take for granted our partner. The things that we did to impress each other before we got married, should be the things that we do to impress each other during our marriages.
Fellas we start out like the most romantic beings that God ever created. We hold hands, we talk softly, we write long notes, and we come with gifts as much as we possibly can. Stop me if you have heard this saying before, "Before we got married you used to bring me flowers and gifts all of the time." When we get married, often times men think that birthdays and Christmas are the only times that we should give gifts. We used to bring little gifts just because. Before we would stay up all night talking to each other and now we act as if we are not interested in what our wives have to say, this should not be.
The beauty of marriage is that you have found someone to spend the rest of your life with. You can and should be the real you however that does not mean that your job is done. Ladies, sometimes wear your sexy undergarments for your man. Fellas stop wearing those funky boxers and socks with the holes in them. Stop talking to each other as if you don't love each other. Fellas (self included) start listening more. Bring home her favorite (whatever) every now and then. Even though you know that you aren't going anywhere, make each other feel like you did when you first started dating. Always try to impress each other and you will always be impressed by each other!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Rewards Outweigh The Negatives
The Rewards Outweigh the Negatives
This message is for the fellas out there, we need to be careful when we speak to our none married friends about marriage. I was talking to a friend the other day about marriage when one of his friends over heard us. He said something that really made me think about the way married men portray marriage. Often times when we talk about the subject, we say negative things. Instead of truly focusing on the positives, we usually speak unflatteringly.
Often times married men make marriage seem as if it were the worst thing ever. Before I got married I can't tell you how many times I heard guys call their wives things like the warden or the slave master. It seems as if many of us are saying that our wives are trying to control us or take away our fun. I used to think to myself, why am I going to get married because married men seem so miserable. In my opinion when we do this, we do a disservice to our single friends.
Don't get me wrong, marriage is difficult. If you are expecting me to say that everyday is like sipping Piña Coladas and making love under the pale moonlight, you would be sadly mistaken. When I talk to my friends about marriage, I try to give them a more positive spin. I tell them that often times marriage is difficult because human beings are flawed. I can't go around speaking negatively about my wife without seriously acknowledging my own issues. Let's face it, we are selfish beings. When we get married, often times we think of ourselves as two individuals living together but not truly as one. We want to do what we want to do and go when we want to go without considering the other person.
I get mad at my wife sometimes and honestly I have negative thoughts but as I said before, human beings are selfish. My wife is truly my help meet and she has my best interest at heart. She may suggest to me that I don't spend money on something, not because she is trying to control my spending or take away my fun, she does it because she can see things that I may not see or choose to ignore. I can be an impulsive shopper and I end up buying things that I don't need or plain just don't use. When I am fighting with my wife about these things, at that moment I am thinking that she is trying to control me but often times afterwards I realize that she is trying to consult me.
Honestly, I have no business speaking negatively about marriage and some of my friends don't either. Marriage has been great to me. I have a beautiful wife who has my back and wants nothing but love and respect from me in return. I know that I have a friend and a partner who I can confide in and that feeling is comforting to me. Yes marriage is difficult and sure my wife is not perfect but I wouldn't trade her for the world. So the next time someone asks me about marriage, I would tell them that it is work but the rewards outweigh the negatives!
This message is for the fellas out there, we need to be careful when we speak to our none married friends about marriage. I was talking to a friend the other day about marriage when one of his friends over heard us. He said something that really made me think about the way married men portray marriage. Often times when we talk about the subject, we say negative things. Instead of truly focusing on the positives, we usually speak unflatteringly.
Often times married men make marriage seem as if it were the worst thing ever. Before I got married I can't tell you how many times I heard guys call their wives things like the warden or the slave master. It seems as if many of us are saying that our wives are trying to control us or take away our fun. I used to think to myself, why am I going to get married because married men seem so miserable. In my opinion when we do this, we do a disservice to our single friends.
Don't get me wrong, marriage is difficult. If you are expecting me to say that everyday is like sipping Piña Coladas and making love under the pale moonlight, you would be sadly mistaken. When I talk to my friends about marriage, I try to give them a more positive spin. I tell them that often times marriage is difficult because human beings are flawed. I can't go around speaking negatively about my wife without seriously acknowledging my own issues. Let's face it, we are selfish beings. When we get married, often times we think of ourselves as two individuals living together but not truly as one. We want to do what we want to do and go when we want to go without considering the other person.
I get mad at my wife sometimes and honestly I have negative thoughts but as I said before, human beings are selfish. My wife is truly my help meet and she has my best interest at heart. She may suggest to me that I don't spend money on something, not because she is trying to control my spending or take away my fun, she does it because she can see things that I may not see or choose to ignore. I can be an impulsive shopper and I end up buying things that I don't need or plain just don't use. When I am fighting with my wife about these things, at that moment I am thinking that she is trying to control me but often times afterwards I realize that she is trying to consult me.
Honestly, I have no business speaking negatively about marriage and some of my friends don't either. Marriage has been great to me. I have a beautiful wife who has my back and wants nothing but love and respect from me in return. I know that I have a friend and a partner who I can confide in and that feeling is comforting to me. Yes marriage is difficult and sure my wife is not perfect but I wouldn't trade her for the world. So the next time someone asks me about marriage, I would tell them that it is work but the rewards outweigh the negatives!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Something Far Greater
Something Far Greater is Waiting For You!
It's funny how life works. Steps that you took and decisions that you made years ago can change your life today. Some believe it to be Divine Intervention, while others say that it's just dumb luck. However you like to see it, I am amazed by the results. Every time I think of my wife, I am reminded that there is a force greater than myself working.
I was raised in Ft. Lauderdale, FL not knowing that my wife existed. She was raised in East Orange, New Jersey not knowing about me either. Elementary school, middle school, high school, and college yet still no clue about each other. First crush, first kiss, homecoming dates, prom dates, and a few heartaches later but still no knowledge of each other.
I like to believe that it was meant for my wife to attend Morgan State and decide to settle down in Washington, DC. Though I attended school at Florida State, I feel that It was meant for me to go there and meet a few exes from the DC metro area. Had it not been for them I probably would have never visited DC and maybe I wouldn't have wanted to move there. Even though I was not dating these young ladies when I moved to the area, I now see that I was meant to be here.
There are always little things going on behind the scenes that we are not aware of. For instance, I remember moving to DC with no job and a few hundred dollars in my pocket. It took me months to land my first real job so I had to work in a coffee shop just to have a little spending money. It was there that I met a woman who offered me a temp job with Lockheed Martin. A few months later I landed a permanent position with the company in another division. Had I not gotten this job, I may have never met my wife's Morgan State classmate and ultimately I may not have met my wife.
At the time I had locks and my co-worker suggested that I get my hair done by her friend Lea. Never in my wildest imaginations did I think that this advice would lead me to the woman who I would later marry. At that point in time, I was heart broken and not looking to date anyone. My wife was in the middle of a break up herself so we didn't get together right away. It took a few years for us to start dating but it was because of that chance meeting five years ago that we became interested in each other.
So you may be reading this wondering what point I am trying to make. I guess what I want people to know is that there is a plan for all of our lives. When we make certain decisions and suffer certain set backs, it's easy to feel down and out but something bigger is in play. You date people and because things don't work out, you feel as if you made a foolish decision. Some people can become very hard on themselves and shut down. Don't allow yourself to give up and never allow someone to take your spirit and drive. What I've learned is that every bad situation has led me to the beautiful place that I am now. Sometimes your wishes are not fulfilled because something far greater was meant for you.
It's funny how life works. Steps that you took and decisions that you made years ago can change your life today. Some believe it to be Divine Intervention, while others say that it's just dumb luck. However you like to see it, I am amazed by the results. Every time I think of my wife, I am reminded that there is a force greater than myself working.
I was raised in Ft. Lauderdale, FL not knowing that my wife existed. She was raised in East Orange, New Jersey not knowing about me either. Elementary school, middle school, high school, and college yet still no clue about each other. First crush, first kiss, homecoming dates, prom dates, and a few heartaches later but still no knowledge of each other.
I like to believe that it was meant for my wife to attend Morgan State and decide to settle down in Washington, DC. Though I attended school at Florida State, I feel that It was meant for me to go there and meet a few exes from the DC metro area. Had it not been for them I probably would have never visited DC and maybe I wouldn't have wanted to move there. Even though I was not dating these young ladies when I moved to the area, I now see that I was meant to be here.
There are always little things going on behind the scenes that we are not aware of. For instance, I remember moving to DC with no job and a few hundred dollars in my pocket. It took me months to land my first real job so I had to work in a coffee shop just to have a little spending money. It was there that I met a woman who offered me a temp job with Lockheed Martin. A few months later I landed a permanent position with the company in another division. Had I not gotten this job, I may have never met my wife's Morgan State classmate and ultimately I may not have met my wife.
At the time I had locks and my co-worker suggested that I get my hair done by her friend Lea. Never in my wildest imaginations did I think that this advice would lead me to the woman who I would later marry. At that point in time, I was heart broken and not looking to date anyone. My wife was in the middle of a break up herself so we didn't get together right away. It took a few years for us to start dating but it was because of that chance meeting five years ago that we became interested in each other.
So you may be reading this wondering what point I am trying to make. I guess what I want people to know is that there is a plan for all of our lives. When we make certain decisions and suffer certain set backs, it's easy to feel down and out but something bigger is in play. You date people and because things don't work out, you feel as if you made a foolish decision. Some people can become very hard on themselves and shut down. Don't allow yourself to give up and never allow someone to take your spirit and drive. What I've learned is that every bad situation has led me to the beautiful place that I am now. Sometimes your wishes are not fulfilled because something far greater was meant for you.
Monday, November 21, 2011
We Need to Protect Our Kids
We Need to Protect Our Kids
Over the past few weeks we have heard a great deal about the Penn St. sex scandal. Now there are reports about sexual abuse at Syracuse University. A few years ago there were reports of priests molesting little boys coming out on what seemed to be a weekly basis but it seems as if over time people stopped talking about it. I am afraid that after a few weeks we are going to forget about these cases and it bothers me. This subject needs to be addressed and it needs to be addressed in a major way!
Everyday little boys and little girls are being molested by people that they know, love, and trust. Usually when television show kids being molested, they show foster kids and kids that are wards of the state. People really aren't talking about the abuse that happens in regular homes. It's sad but kids are being raped by their own fathers, uncles, cousins, and brothers. What makes the situation worse is that because people don't talk about this, that we think these cases are isolated but they aren't. More of us know people who have been sexually abused than we think we know. Unfortunately, it's that shameful secret that many people keep to themselves and so they suffer in silence.
One of my classmates at Florida State University (Laveranues Coles), was molested by his stepfather when he was a kid. It took him until he was about 27 years old to talk about the situation because let's face it, men don't want to talk about being sexually molested by another man. The problem with this is that it allows anger to boil inside of us. It diminishes our ability to trust and can ruin many of our future relationships. I personally know at least three men who have been sexually molested as boys by people living in their own homes.
Before Oprah's show went off air, she had two girls on there who had been sexually molested by their brothers. When they told their mother, she did nothing. When they told the father, he started to molest them himself and again the mother did nothing. These little girls suffered for years and had they not told a neighbor about the situation, they would have suffered even longer. How sad and how sick is this story?! Your home is supposed to be your safe place and your family members are supposed to be your protectors, but for them and countless others, this was not the case.
I can't tell you how much it angers me to know that people are so willing to do nothing in these cases. I know of kids who have been molested and the parent or other relatives were never punished. There is one thing for a parent not to know what has happened to their child but it is another thing all together when a parent knows and chooses to keep quiet. To me that parent needs to be punished in the same manner as the person who has committed the assault. When you can't speak up to your protectors for help, who can you turn to? Then people want to know why their children resent them and have no respect for them.
Quite frankly, everyone involved in this Penn St. crap should be fired and criminal charges should be filed against them. To let something like that go because you don't want to bring scandal to the program is shameful. Our children deserve better than this and because they can't protect themselves, we need to protect them. If this happened to my child, nothing short of God would come between me and the beast who had caused this pain. I just think that more needs to be said and more needs to be done to protect our babies. If not people will continue to get away with these heinous crimes! In time all children lose their innocence, but this definitely is the wrong way to lose it!
Over the past few weeks we have heard a great deal about the Penn St. sex scandal. Now there are reports about sexual abuse at Syracuse University. A few years ago there were reports of priests molesting little boys coming out on what seemed to be a weekly basis but it seems as if over time people stopped talking about it. I am afraid that after a few weeks we are going to forget about these cases and it bothers me. This subject needs to be addressed and it needs to be addressed in a major way!
Everyday little boys and little girls are being molested by people that they know, love, and trust. Usually when television show kids being molested, they show foster kids and kids that are wards of the state. People really aren't talking about the abuse that happens in regular homes. It's sad but kids are being raped by their own fathers, uncles, cousins, and brothers. What makes the situation worse is that because people don't talk about this, that we think these cases are isolated but they aren't. More of us know people who have been sexually abused than we think we know. Unfortunately, it's that shameful secret that many people keep to themselves and so they suffer in silence.
One of my classmates at Florida State University (Laveranues Coles), was molested by his stepfather when he was a kid. It took him until he was about 27 years old to talk about the situation because let's face it, men don't want to talk about being sexually molested by another man. The problem with this is that it allows anger to boil inside of us. It diminishes our ability to trust and can ruin many of our future relationships. I personally know at least three men who have been sexually molested as boys by people living in their own homes.
Before Oprah's show went off air, she had two girls on there who had been sexually molested by their brothers. When they told their mother, she did nothing. When they told the father, he started to molest them himself and again the mother did nothing. These little girls suffered for years and had they not told a neighbor about the situation, they would have suffered even longer. How sad and how sick is this story?! Your home is supposed to be your safe place and your family members are supposed to be your protectors, but for them and countless others, this was not the case.
I can't tell you how much it angers me to know that people are so willing to do nothing in these cases. I know of kids who have been molested and the parent or other relatives were never punished. There is one thing for a parent not to know what has happened to their child but it is another thing all together when a parent knows and chooses to keep quiet. To me that parent needs to be punished in the same manner as the person who has committed the assault. When you can't speak up to your protectors for help, who can you turn to? Then people want to know why their children resent them and have no respect for them.
Quite frankly, everyone involved in this Penn St. crap should be fired and criminal charges should be filed against them. To let something like that go because you don't want to bring scandal to the program is shameful. Our children deserve better than this and because they can't protect themselves, we need to protect them. If this happened to my child, nothing short of God would come between me and the beast who had caused this pain. I just think that more needs to be said and more needs to be done to protect our babies. If not people will continue to get away with these heinous crimes! In time all children lose their innocence, but this definitely is the wrong way to lose it!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Marriage is not 50/50
Marriage is not 50/50
Marriage is WORK, if you didn't know before, now you know! It's a full time commitment that never sleeps, it must be strengthened, and it must be nourished. Besides God, it is the most important relationship that you will ever have. This person has now become "blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh."
We have been taught that marriage is a 50/50 venture. Some of us have heard that it will not always be 50/50 but sometimes it will be 60/40, 80/20, or whatever other ratios that you can come up with. Often times they teach that your partner will not always give you everything. They also tell you that you may not always give your spouse your all. This gets repeated so much that we really don't question or challenge it, we just accept it as the gospel.
To me, a marriage that is not 100/100, is a marriage that is being short changed. Even if you are giving 99/1, you are not giving your all. Many of us are "Randy Mossing" our marriages. We show up when we want to show up and we take plays off. We say that if we don't have things exactly our way, that we are going to ignore the needs of the other team member. To me this is a marriage that is not using it's full potential.
Don't get me wrong, we are human beings and as humans, we have to fight the urge not to lollygag. Let's face it, 100 percent is not always an easy thing to give. Sometimes we wake up and we really don't feel like going all out. There are times when we want to do our own thing and not have to worry about another person. For so long we have been individual players, and now we are team members for life.
Marriage in my opinion should be more like Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan. It's like having a love and a passion that is so strong, that you always want the best. You never saw these guys take a play off and even when they put up great numbers, they were always thinking about what they could have done and should be able to do better. There was never a time that you could say that these guys short changed you. You should give the same to your spouse. They should always feel that you are trying and see that your are tirelessly working to make things right between the two of you.
Giving 100 percent does not mean that things will be perfect and that your marriage will be perfect. Magic Johnson, in his best year, shot 91 percent from the free throw line. Michael Jordan, who is considered by many to be the greatest basketball player ever, shot less than 50 percent from the field. Giving your all does not mean that you will make every shot or that you will never mess up. What it does mean, is that you play your heart out and you always seek for the best you have to offer. Your spouse will have no choice but to respect you, knowing that you are giving your all.
Between Magic and Michael, they played 28 years in the NBA. Amongst the two of them, they won 11 NBA titles. What does this mean? It means that even with giving your all, there will be some disappointments. There are always some Boston Celtics and Detroit Pistons standing in your way. You just learn how to defeat them and never let them defeat you even when it seems as if they have won.
Let's face it, even the best of us will face rough times and situations but that is not an excuse to give up. You owe it to the team to show up and be ready to play each and everyday. You owe it to them to give 100 percent. When you need a breather, discuss what can be done so that you come back refreshed and ready to reign victorious. If it is difficult to beat the Celtics with giving your all, you know you won't win when you don't give your all. The same can be said in a marriage!
Marriage is WORK, if you didn't know before, now you know! It's a full time commitment that never sleeps, it must be strengthened, and it must be nourished. Besides God, it is the most important relationship that you will ever have. This person has now become "blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh."
We have been taught that marriage is a 50/50 venture. Some of us have heard that it will not always be 50/50 but sometimes it will be 60/40, 80/20, or whatever other ratios that you can come up with. Often times they teach that your partner will not always give you everything. They also tell you that you may not always give your spouse your all. This gets repeated so much that we really don't question or challenge it, we just accept it as the gospel.
To me, a marriage that is not 100/100, is a marriage that is being short changed. Even if you are giving 99/1, you are not giving your all. Many of us are "Randy Mossing" our marriages. We show up when we want to show up and we take plays off. We say that if we don't have things exactly our way, that we are going to ignore the needs of the other team member. To me this is a marriage that is not using it's full potential.
Don't get me wrong, we are human beings and as humans, we have to fight the urge not to lollygag. Let's face it, 100 percent is not always an easy thing to give. Sometimes we wake up and we really don't feel like going all out. There are times when we want to do our own thing and not have to worry about another person. For so long we have been individual players, and now we are team members for life.
Marriage in my opinion should be more like Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan. It's like having a love and a passion that is so strong, that you always want the best. You never saw these guys take a play off and even when they put up great numbers, they were always thinking about what they could have done and should be able to do better. There was never a time that you could say that these guys short changed you. You should give the same to your spouse. They should always feel that you are trying and see that your are tirelessly working to make things right between the two of you.
Giving 100 percent does not mean that things will be perfect and that your marriage will be perfect. Magic Johnson, in his best year, shot 91 percent from the free throw line. Michael Jordan, who is considered by many to be the greatest basketball player ever, shot less than 50 percent from the field. Giving your all does not mean that you will make every shot or that you will never mess up. What it does mean, is that you play your heart out and you always seek for the best you have to offer. Your spouse will have no choice but to respect you, knowing that you are giving your all.
Between Magic and Michael, they played 28 years in the NBA. Amongst the two of them, they won 11 NBA titles. What does this mean? It means that even with giving your all, there will be some disappointments. There are always some Boston Celtics and Detroit Pistons standing in your way. You just learn how to defeat them and never let them defeat you even when it seems as if they have won.
Let's face it, even the best of us will face rough times and situations but that is not an excuse to give up. You owe it to the team to show up and be ready to play each and everyday. You owe it to them to give 100 percent. When you need a breather, discuss what can be done so that you come back refreshed and ready to reign victorious. If it is difficult to beat the Celtics with giving your all, you know you won't win when you don't give your all. The same can be said in a marriage!
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