Too Young to be so Serious
Often times when I sit down to write, I think of my future children. I think about the things that I have gone through and about how I see those situations much differently now. In life you really don't get “do-overs” but if I could keep my children away from some of the unnecessary heartaches that I have faced, I will try my best to do so. Often times we think about the monetary fortune that we will leave them with but we tend to neglect the fortune of wisdom itself.
I wish that I would have learned not to take dating so seriously at such an early age. Being raised by women, my view of dating differed from most men. I was not the kind of guy who believed in a lot of messing around. Sure I did it once or twice but for the most part, I was a serial monogamist. Now that I look back at it, it was crazy that I was always in love with somebody. From the movies I watched and stories I’d heard, I swear to you that I thought I would find my wife in high school or college and live happily ever after I didn’t realize how unrealistic this scenario really is. As much as we think we know what we want out of life and relationships, we now look back and realize that our thoughts have changed several times. When we were 17-22 years old, what did we really know about anything? We barely knew what we wanted our major to be in college and yet we were trying to be in these life changing courtships!
I look back at my twenties and realize that I wasted so much time chasing after relationships that were doomed to fail. We were young and now out on our own. Unlike when we were in college, we now had apartments, cars, and money to spend. This should have been the most selfish time of our lives! Not in a malicious or hurtful way but we should have taken this time to truly discover who we really were and what we really wanted but what did I do? I complicated things by chasing after women that I had no business chasing after!
Whether we realize it or not, we try to grow up too fast. In many cases instead of us learning to grow on our own, we add unnecessary crutches and stumbling blocks to our lives. We barely know what we want while trying to cater to the needs of others. At that time we tried to play “adult house”, when we should have been trying to get our own house in order. We spent too many days and nights crying and moaning for people to whom we gave too much power and attention. Now these people are an after thought, yet the complications from those relationships still haunt us to this very day.
I still have friends who are serial monogamist. They cannot stand to be alone. They break up with one person and are moving them out just to help another person move in. Serial monogamists usually do not see the real issue. They are using others to fill a void that can never truly be filled by anyone else. Often times they don't really want the person that they are dating, they just don't want to be alone. It's a destructive pattern -it's like being hungry but deciding to snack on chips and cookies. They will never really satisfy you and they are hurting you more than they are helping you.
I am a true believer that we should date around and have fun while we are younger. That does not mean sleep around or whore around and maliciously play games with other people, but just go out and discover who you are and what you really want. More times than not, you will discover that your wants and likes will change drastically over time. Things that you thought were important, mean little to you now. Some of us should also practice being alone. We often ask God to show us our next step or to speak to us and then we never stay still or quiet long enough to hear Him speak. It's great getting to know another person and finding the one to spend the rest of your days with but I will remind my children to be a little selfish and learn about themselves first.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
NO VALID REASON TO CHEAT PART II
You Have no Reason to Cheat Part II
Men, like women, cheat for a variety of reasons. Though sex is a large factor in male infidelity, it's usually bigger than just the physical act. Like women, men love to feel desired. A woman wants to be told that she is beautiful but a man wants you to show him that you find him sexy.
Many women are quick to point out the fact that men are dogs and assume that men cheat because of sex and nothing but sex yet research proves otherwise. One reason for it, according to an article I read on Huffington Post.Com, is that women lose focus on the relationship once children come into the picture. In addition, (although it may not seem like men care), they often step outside of their marriage because their emotional needs are not being met. One of the biggest reasons that a man cheats on his wife is because his mate can sometimes be overly critical of him.
Just as we did not dismiss the woman's perspective in this equation, we cannot dismiss the male side. Women you must take responsibility for some of this. Now truth be told, men cannot physically carry children and cannot physically bring children into the world. We will never truly know the bond between mother and child. I definitely think that men should have a little understanding as far as this is concerned at the same time women must find a way to better balance between the child and her man. I had a friend once tell me that if she had to choose between her child and husband, she would choose her child - this should not be. Re-read your vows and you will see that you vowed to forsake all others for him. Your child is no exception to that rule. No one is asking you to forsake the child either because it is his child also. We just want our quality time.
Ladies, please understand that your husband needs you emotionally more than he shows it. He does not do a lot of talking or crying but the weight of the world is forever on his shoulders. Often times as a man, he feels disrespected at work but he stays the course because his family comes first. He is never truly comfortable because he knows that if something goes wrong within his house, people will blame him. When he feels that he cannot count on you to be there for him, he will seek to find these traits that you once showed him, possibly in the arms of another woman.
Many men feel that their wives are overly critical and as Prince says, "maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied." Often times he feels as if he cannot do right by you. In some ways you knew who he was when you married him and yet you still went ahead with it. Now you are angry because he has not become what you wanted him to be. My wife always says, "men want a woman who will not change and women want a man who will." Though men should look to improve themselves, it is just as unrealistic for him to change as it is for you not to change. Your man sometimes sees you coveting what others have and though he works his fingers to the bone, you still want more. Because you can't have some of the fancy things other people have you start talking to him and treating him disrespectfully. He then will start looking to get respect from other women because the odds are somebody out there is willing to take him with the little bit he has. But make no mistakes about it fellas, any new woman will more than likely become what your wife was. She thinks you are great now but she does not sleep with you every night.
It is not a news flash that men love sex. You know the research - men think about sex several times a day. When we finish getting it, we start thinking about when we are going to get it again. But a very valuable point that women miss is that sex is more than just physical for us. When your woman can't keep her hands off you, it makes you feel as if she thinks you are the sexiest man on Earth. She needs words of affirmation but the man needs her to show it with her actions. Most men know that they can have sex with their wives however, no man wants to feel as if you are doing it out of obligation. To us it's like you are saying, “ok I will do it today and maybe he won't ask again for a couple of days”. Ladies you have to remember that in many cases you did change. When you were first dating, you used to do it anywhere and any place - now he feels that he has to make an appointment.
I do not claim to be a marriage counselor and I am trying to find my way in my own marriage. I know for a fact that marriage is hard. Men are definitely from Mars and women are definitely from Venus. Like all couples my wife and I argue and have our own issues. With that being said, I stay true to my vows. They say “for better or for worse” and “till death do us part” as well as “forsaking all others”. I don't have kids so I can't speak about the emotional disconnect that comes from that. What I will tell you is that, if you cannot solve that issue yourself, you need to find professional help. When your wife is not being supportive or if she is being overly critical, you need to call her on it. If you can't figure it out, you need to seek help.
One thing that I do know about women is that they will give you extra loving, if you give them extra attention and care. With that being said, ladies, you have to be willing to step your game up as well. Just as initiating sex does not come naturally to you, holding hands and cuddling does not come naturally to us. Both sides have to make a true effort in this regard.
Lastly, men and women have to learn to be more mature when it comes to marriage. You are not always going to get exactly what you want when you want it. Relationships are hard work. They do not come without challenges and we have to learn to adjust accordingly. Fellas, a woman that you just met will listen to you and she will tell you all of the things that you want to hear. She only knows you for a couple of hours. Trust me, when she really gets to know you, she will probably try to change you also. Under NO circumstance is cheating the way to go. If you air your grievances and you seek counseling and it still can't be resolved, TRY HARDER! Odds are, the first step that needs to be taken to resolve the issue is that you need to evaluate yourself and change your own ways. There is never a side that is 100%. No matter the issue, when it is all said and done, you have no valid reason to cheat!
Men, like women, cheat for a variety of reasons. Though sex is a large factor in male infidelity, it's usually bigger than just the physical act. Like women, men love to feel desired. A woman wants to be told that she is beautiful but a man wants you to show him that you find him sexy.
Many women are quick to point out the fact that men are dogs and assume that men cheat because of sex and nothing but sex yet research proves otherwise. One reason for it, according to an article I read on Huffington Post.Com, is that women lose focus on the relationship once children come into the picture. In addition, (although it may not seem like men care), they often step outside of their marriage because their emotional needs are not being met. One of the biggest reasons that a man cheats on his wife is because his mate can sometimes be overly critical of him.
Just as we did not dismiss the woman's perspective in this equation, we cannot dismiss the male side. Women you must take responsibility for some of this. Now truth be told, men cannot physically carry children and cannot physically bring children into the world. We will never truly know the bond between mother and child. I definitely think that men should have a little understanding as far as this is concerned at the same time women must find a way to better balance between the child and her man. I had a friend once tell me that if she had to choose between her child and husband, she would choose her child - this should not be. Re-read your vows and you will see that you vowed to forsake all others for him. Your child is no exception to that rule. No one is asking you to forsake the child either because it is his child also. We just want our quality time.
Ladies, please understand that your husband needs you emotionally more than he shows it. He does not do a lot of talking or crying but the weight of the world is forever on his shoulders. Often times as a man, he feels disrespected at work but he stays the course because his family comes first. He is never truly comfortable because he knows that if something goes wrong within his house, people will blame him. When he feels that he cannot count on you to be there for him, he will seek to find these traits that you once showed him, possibly in the arms of another woman.
Many men feel that their wives are overly critical and as Prince says, "maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied." Often times he feels as if he cannot do right by you. In some ways you knew who he was when you married him and yet you still went ahead with it. Now you are angry because he has not become what you wanted him to be. My wife always says, "men want a woman who will not change and women want a man who will." Though men should look to improve themselves, it is just as unrealistic for him to change as it is for you not to change. Your man sometimes sees you coveting what others have and though he works his fingers to the bone, you still want more. Because you can't have some of the fancy things other people have you start talking to him and treating him disrespectfully. He then will start looking to get respect from other women because the odds are somebody out there is willing to take him with the little bit he has. But make no mistakes about it fellas, any new woman will more than likely become what your wife was. She thinks you are great now but she does not sleep with you every night.
It is not a news flash that men love sex. You know the research - men think about sex several times a day. When we finish getting it, we start thinking about when we are going to get it again. But a very valuable point that women miss is that sex is more than just physical for us. When your woman can't keep her hands off you, it makes you feel as if she thinks you are the sexiest man on Earth. She needs words of affirmation but the man needs her to show it with her actions. Most men know that they can have sex with their wives however, no man wants to feel as if you are doing it out of obligation. To us it's like you are saying, “ok I will do it today and maybe he won't ask again for a couple of days”. Ladies you have to remember that in many cases you did change. When you were first dating, you used to do it anywhere and any place - now he feels that he has to make an appointment.
I do not claim to be a marriage counselor and I am trying to find my way in my own marriage. I know for a fact that marriage is hard. Men are definitely from Mars and women are definitely from Venus. Like all couples my wife and I argue and have our own issues. With that being said, I stay true to my vows. They say “for better or for worse” and “till death do us part” as well as “forsaking all others”. I don't have kids so I can't speak about the emotional disconnect that comes from that. What I will tell you is that, if you cannot solve that issue yourself, you need to find professional help. When your wife is not being supportive or if she is being overly critical, you need to call her on it. If you can't figure it out, you need to seek help.
One thing that I do know about women is that they will give you extra loving, if you give them extra attention and care. With that being said, ladies, you have to be willing to step your game up as well. Just as initiating sex does not come naturally to you, holding hands and cuddling does not come naturally to us. Both sides have to make a true effort in this regard.
Lastly, men and women have to learn to be more mature when it comes to marriage. You are not always going to get exactly what you want when you want it. Relationships are hard work. They do not come without challenges and we have to learn to adjust accordingly. Fellas, a woman that you just met will listen to you and she will tell you all of the things that you want to hear. She only knows you for a couple of hours. Trust me, when she really gets to know you, she will probably try to change you also. Under NO circumstance is cheating the way to go. If you air your grievances and you seek counseling and it still can't be resolved, TRY HARDER! Odds are, the first step that needs to be taken to resolve the issue is that you need to evaluate yourself and change your own ways. There is never a side that is 100%. No matter the issue, when it is all said and done, you have no valid reason to cheat!
NO VALID REASON TO CHEAT PART I
You Have no Valid Reason to Cheat Part I
I often wonder, why do people get into serious relationships and or marriages if they know that they are going to stray? Athletes, actors, presidents, senators, preachers, and just plain old blue collar men and women cheat. There are so many reasons and excuses for why people cheat. But whether your situation has a compelling argument or not is irrelevant - you took a vow in front of family, friends, and most importantly, God! If you aren't married, nothing is keeping you in that relationship. Why don't you leave?! Cheating should not be an option - Cheating is NOT an option.
Ladies, we will start with why you say that you cheat. In reading several articles and blogs, one of the main reasons that a woman cheats is because she is seeking revenge. Another reason given is that she wants to know that she still has “it” ( sex appeal). She also cheats because she wants to feel a connection. Others cheat because of sexual boredom, while some cheat because they want to leave the relationship. They just do not want to verbally express this.
Before I just dismiss these reasons, I want to take a serious look at them. Men, please understand that you play at least some part in your woman going astray. Do you think it is ok to go running around and think that she will welcome you home with open arms? This reminds me of an old Johnny Taylor song that says, "who's making love to your ole lady, while you’re out making love."
Fellas, we generally know what it takes to capture a woman's heart and yet we act like we don't know what she wants when we get her. While courting her, we used to take her out and buy her nice little gifts. We used to tell her how beautiful she was and we made her feel like a queen. Now we treat her like an old pair of Air Force Ones. She's lost that new shoe smell so now it's time to get a new pair.
Remember when we used to talk to our woman for hours. It seemed like we could talk about anything. It was refreshing and fun. Now we really can't string three sentences together. Once, “you hang up” – “no, you hang up” has now become, “dang I wish that she would shut up!” Now, the only way you try to connect is in the bedroom.
At some point men, we have to take our own actions into account. With that being said ladies, this in no way makes you less (or not) guilty of your infractions. You can't teach a man a lesson by sleeping with another man. If he is the man that you want to keep, you just lost him with your betrayal. Even if he cheated on you 80 times, if you cheat on a man once, your relationship is pretty much over.
Just as men have to take some responsibility for the situation, ladies you have a role also. When you are trying to impress a man, you go all out. Not too many Hanes cottons are seen on your body when he is around. To get him, you used to show him those Frederick's of Hollywood outfits and now it's “bloomer time”. Yes, we all gain weight over time and a man does not have children so he does not know what it feels like to have baby weight but ladies, you can't stop trying to impress your man. He should love you for you but remember also that your sexy body played some role in that. He at least needs to see that you are trying.
As far as having a connection and boredom are concerned, I caution women that you are playing a very dangerous game. Most men are alike - we know how to reel you in - we just forget about what to do with you once you've been “caught”. Your mate used to listen to you too, remember? You once had a connection with him, or so you thought. Now this dude, who has no ties to you, comes around and listens to your problems and goes away seeming like the guy of your dreams. Well of course he does because he walks away from the conversation with nothing really invested. He gets all the frills from you and there is no established drama or situations for him to reference. I guarantee that more times than not, he ends up a lot like your old guy.
Sex is another story all together. Let's face it, men are one trick ponies in this area. We will continue to do the things that we saw on the latest porn. We developed a trusty move years before we met you and because no one ever said anything otherwise, we continue with that. You once liked the sex and now because it has not evolved, you seek it elsewhere. Part of the blame goes to you ladies. You have to know how to properly get your man to do what you want him to do. When a woman asks right, a man is willing to do just about anything. He wants to please you because he knows that if he does, he will be pleased in return. But what you seek does not come natural to him. With men it only takes a few pumps to get to the promised land but for you it's different. The new guy will excite you for awhile but trust me, unless he is that rare Deuce Bigalow, he too will become stale!
I often wonder, why do people get into serious relationships and or marriages if they know that they are going to stray? Athletes, actors, presidents, senators, preachers, and just plain old blue collar men and women cheat. There are so many reasons and excuses for why people cheat. But whether your situation has a compelling argument or not is irrelevant - you took a vow in front of family, friends, and most importantly, God! If you aren't married, nothing is keeping you in that relationship. Why don't you leave?! Cheating should not be an option - Cheating is NOT an option.
Ladies, we will start with why you say that you cheat. In reading several articles and blogs, one of the main reasons that a woman cheats is because she is seeking revenge. Another reason given is that she wants to know that she still has “it” ( sex appeal). She also cheats because she wants to feel a connection. Others cheat because of sexual boredom, while some cheat because they want to leave the relationship. They just do not want to verbally express this.
Before I just dismiss these reasons, I want to take a serious look at them. Men, please understand that you play at least some part in your woman going astray. Do you think it is ok to go running around and think that she will welcome you home with open arms? This reminds me of an old Johnny Taylor song that says, "who's making love to your ole lady, while you’re out making love."
Fellas, we generally know what it takes to capture a woman's heart and yet we act like we don't know what she wants when we get her. While courting her, we used to take her out and buy her nice little gifts. We used to tell her how beautiful she was and we made her feel like a queen. Now we treat her like an old pair of Air Force Ones. She's lost that new shoe smell so now it's time to get a new pair.
Remember when we used to talk to our woman for hours. It seemed like we could talk about anything. It was refreshing and fun. Now we really can't string three sentences together. Once, “you hang up” – “no, you hang up” has now become, “dang I wish that she would shut up!” Now, the only way you try to connect is in the bedroom.
At some point men, we have to take our own actions into account. With that being said ladies, this in no way makes you less (or not) guilty of your infractions. You can't teach a man a lesson by sleeping with another man. If he is the man that you want to keep, you just lost him with your betrayal. Even if he cheated on you 80 times, if you cheat on a man once, your relationship is pretty much over.
Just as men have to take some responsibility for the situation, ladies you have a role also. When you are trying to impress a man, you go all out. Not too many Hanes cottons are seen on your body when he is around. To get him, you used to show him those Frederick's of Hollywood outfits and now it's “bloomer time”. Yes, we all gain weight over time and a man does not have children so he does not know what it feels like to have baby weight but ladies, you can't stop trying to impress your man. He should love you for you but remember also that your sexy body played some role in that. He at least needs to see that you are trying.
As far as having a connection and boredom are concerned, I caution women that you are playing a very dangerous game. Most men are alike - we know how to reel you in - we just forget about what to do with you once you've been “caught”. Your mate used to listen to you too, remember? You once had a connection with him, or so you thought. Now this dude, who has no ties to you, comes around and listens to your problems and goes away seeming like the guy of your dreams. Well of course he does because he walks away from the conversation with nothing really invested. He gets all the frills from you and there is no established drama or situations for him to reference. I guarantee that more times than not, he ends up a lot like your old guy.
Sex is another story all together. Let's face it, men are one trick ponies in this area. We will continue to do the things that we saw on the latest porn. We developed a trusty move years before we met you and because no one ever said anything otherwise, we continue with that. You once liked the sex and now because it has not evolved, you seek it elsewhere. Part of the blame goes to you ladies. You have to know how to properly get your man to do what you want him to do. When a woman asks right, a man is willing to do just about anything. He wants to please you because he knows that if he does, he will be pleased in return. But what you seek does not come natural to him. With men it only takes a few pumps to get to the promised land but for you it's different. The new guy will excite you for awhile but trust me, unless he is that rare Deuce Bigalow, he too will become stale!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
KEEP YOUR PAST AWAY FROM ME
Keep Your Past Away From Me
Relationships are difficult. It's two people from different backgrounds and life experiences trying to come together as one. There are so many things and influences that are involved in making a relationship work. Though not every couple will struggle with the same issues, one issue seems to be universal - most of us come into new relationships with past love lives.
When you meet the "love of your life" odds are, he or she has dated several people before you and vice versa. As a result, by the time you have found that special person, you have broken several hearts and/or you have had your heart broken several times. You probably participated in several flings and a few long term romances. Scattered in between those relationships are people that you casually slept with along the way. And even though these experiences have led you to become the person that your mate loves, they can also complicate your relationship.
By the time we have found our "soul mates", we are loaded with so much baggage that we are barely able to walk straight. We are now learning to deal with a new person who has new views and different ways of handling things. We soon begin to learn that even though this person is the best of the people we have dated, they come with a new set of imperfections.
As I said before, relationships are not easy. So why do we complicate them by allowing others to interfere? We can't erase our pasts and our past dating resumes even if we wanted to. What I am learning is that you can obsess over your mate’s history but it will not help your current relationship. With that being said, you should make sure, if at all possible, to keep your past from your present.
Of course not every situation will be the same so there are exceptions to this premise. Some people have to deal with exes because they have children together. In these cases, you have to make the decision whether or not you want to date that individual. Some people will find that this is no big deal, while others will choose not to pursue this route. There are some things that quite frankly are beyond your control. However, you must master the things over which you do have control.
I remember watching a commercial a few years ago that made me mad and has stuck with me ever since. In the commercial there is a man watching TV with his girlfriend. The guys asks, "Where did you get that sweater?" to which she replies, "It belonged to my last boyfriend." He then says, "How come you don't wear any of my sweaters?" She then replies, "I dunno. His are bigger. Bigger is just more comfortable." The guy finally says, "He sounds like a really big guy." She then replies, "He was."
While reading Men's Health Magazine the other day, a guy asked what should he do about his girlfriend wearing her ex’s boxer shorts. When I talked to some girl friends about this, they said that they still own boxer shorts from old boyfriends. According to them the shorts were about comfort and they had no sentimental value. They say that it would be different if we still had our old girlfriends’ underwear because we can't wear those. Though this may be true, it's not about the underwear - it's about what the underwear represents.
The underwear represents your past. A time when you were madly in love with someone else. This person once gave you butterflies. You once called your friends bragging about them. In some cases this person has seen you naked and has been intimate with you. If your past is truly your past, then stop leaving around the reminders of your past. No one should have to deal with this.
I have a girl friend who says that she has a box filled with old love notes and pictures of ex-boyfriends. She said that when she moved into her new apartment, she left the box at her mother's house. When I asked why she hadn't thrown the box away, she said that she didn't want to give away the memories. But I think that this is the real problem. Our past needs to seriously be left in the past. Dwelling on the past will not help the present and trust me, it WILL HURT YOUR FUTURE!
I read an article where a man was digging in his attic and found a box of love notes from his wife's old love interest. The notes gave intimate details of their sexual romps and this drove the husband crazy. Some will say that he should not have read the notes but why were those notes in their house and in their lives? If he is your husband, than you do not need to keep this past record of lost loves.
When I started getting serious with my wife, before we got married, I threw away my old box of notes, letters, and pictures. These women were no longer important to me and they were not worth the potential drama that could have come from my wife finding traces of them. There are no journals filled with memories to make her jealous or to give her a mental picture of my past. She was all of the woman that I wanted and all the woman that I needed. So why should I hold on to these past memories?
Most women and men think differently about this subject but I’ll tell you one thing, you need to make sure that you honor your marriage as best as you can. So are you going to fight to keep these constant reminders? What might this cost your relationship? If the past is no longer important to you, then you need to let that crap go. Why would you allow notes, pictures, poetry, journals, and other similar things to ruin your current good thing? If your past was so great, then you would still be there and maybe you need to go back there. But if not, please keep your past away from me.
Relationships are difficult. It's two people from different backgrounds and life experiences trying to come together as one. There are so many things and influences that are involved in making a relationship work. Though not every couple will struggle with the same issues, one issue seems to be universal - most of us come into new relationships with past love lives.
When you meet the "love of your life" odds are, he or she has dated several people before you and vice versa. As a result, by the time you have found that special person, you have broken several hearts and/or you have had your heart broken several times. You probably participated in several flings and a few long term romances. Scattered in between those relationships are people that you casually slept with along the way. And even though these experiences have led you to become the person that your mate loves, they can also complicate your relationship.
By the time we have found our "soul mates", we are loaded with so much baggage that we are barely able to walk straight. We are now learning to deal with a new person who has new views and different ways of handling things. We soon begin to learn that even though this person is the best of the people we have dated, they come with a new set of imperfections.
As I said before, relationships are not easy. So why do we complicate them by allowing others to interfere? We can't erase our pasts and our past dating resumes even if we wanted to. What I am learning is that you can obsess over your mate’s history but it will not help your current relationship. With that being said, you should make sure, if at all possible, to keep your past from your present.
Of course not every situation will be the same so there are exceptions to this premise. Some people have to deal with exes because they have children together. In these cases, you have to make the decision whether or not you want to date that individual. Some people will find that this is no big deal, while others will choose not to pursue this route. There are some things that quite frankly are beyond your control. However, you must master the things over which you do have control.
I remember watching a commercial a few years ago that made me mad and has stuck with me ever since. In the commercial there is a man watching TV with his girlfriend. The guys asks, "Where did you get that sweater?" to which she replies, "It belonged to my last boyfriend." He then says, "How come you don't wear any of my sweaters?" She then replies, "I dunno. His are bigger. Bigger is just more comfortable." The guy finally says, "He sounds like a really big guy." She then replies, "He was."
While reading Men's Health Magazine the other day, a guy asked what should he do about his girlfriend wearing her ex’s boxer shorts. When I talked to some girl friends about this, they said that they still own boxer shorts from old boyfriends. According to them the shorts were about comfort and they had no sentimental value. They say that it would be different if we still had our old girlfriends’ underwear because we can't wear those. Though this may be true, it's not about the underwear - it's about what the underwear represents.
The underwear represents your past. A time when you were madly in love with someone else. This person once gave you butterflies. You once called your friends bragging about them. In some cases this person has seen you naked and has been intimate with you. If your past is truly your past, then stop leaving around the reminders of your past. No one should have to deal with this.
I have a girl friend who says that she has a box filled with old love notes and pictures of ex-boyfriends. She said that when she moved into her new apartment, she left the box at her mother's house. When I asked why she hadn't thrown the box away, she said that she didn't want to give away the memories. But I think that this is the real problem. Our past needs to seriously be left in the past. Dwelling on the past will not help the present and trust me, it WILL HURT YOUR FUTURE!
I read an article where a man was digging in his attic and found a box of love notes from his wife's old love interest. The notes gave intimate details of their sexual romps and this drove the husband crazy. Some will say that he should not have read the notes but why were those notes in their house and in their lives? If he is your husband, than you do not need to keep this past record of lost loves.
When I started getting serious with my wife, before we got married, I threw away my old box of notes, letters, and pictures. These women were no longer important to me and they were not worth the potential drama that could have come from my wife finding traces of them. There are no journals filled with memories to make her jealous or to give her a mental picture of my past. She was all of the woman that I wanted and all the woman that I needed. So why should I hold on to these past memories?
Most women and men think differently about this subject but I’ll tell you one thing, you need to make sure that you honor your marriage as best as you can. So are you going to fight to keep these constant reminders? What might this cost your relationship? If the past is no longer important to you, then you need to let that crap go. Why would you allow notes, pictures, poetry, journals, and other similar things to ruin your current good thing? If your past was so great, then you would still be there and maybe you need to go back there. But if not, please keep your past away from me.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
NOT THE BEST OF YOU...BUT THE REST OF YOU
I've always hated being called a "good guy" or a "nice guy". When it comes to women, nice guys usually finish last. A woman once told me that I would be a great guy to marry but she thought that I was too nice of a guy to date. I spent years trying to figure this out and I must admit that I am still very much confused.
I always thought that I was part of the cool crew because I was well known in school. I was on the debate team and I was a jock as well I always dressed the part and looked the part but I was not what women were looking for at the time. As crazy at it sounds (and it does sound crazy), I had too much respect for women. I was taught to be a gentleman. To be the type of man who would listen to you when you needed a friend, open the door for you when we were out, and to treat you with the respect that women deserve. That, my friend, did not work! All of my girl friends said that they wanted the traits that they saw in me for their man but always seemed to choose the opposite.
Women say that they want a man who will listen to them but instead fall for men who can care less about anything that they have to say. Women say that they want to be romanced and yet they choose the guy that calls only when he needs something. Women say that they want a dependable man and yet they often chose a man who they know is not and will never be dependable. Often times a man does not know what a woman wants because she confuses him with the things that she says versus the things that she does. So I began to ask what was I doing wrong and why did women want the opposite of me?
When I got to college, I tried for a brief period to live outside of myself. I must admit, this time period brought about a change in my dating career. Though it brought various women to me, it also made me lose a little respect for females.. Seeing myself mistreat women was not how I was raised - but women loved it! Trying to be a good man only left you in the "future guy" category. You know the "future guy" - he is the guy that you eventually settle down with but not right now. When reading an article on Ask.Com they said that," A bad boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence, and confidence. To women, these traits--especially confidence--are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the bad boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance." You see, the good guy is too boring and straight laced. He is predictable and can easily be run over. At least that is what some women seem to think!
I now look back at the so called "bad boy" and I see that he is still up to his old ways. He is the guy with no job and yet his clothes cost more than mine - and I work everyday. He is the one playing PlayStation from the time his woman goes to work to when she comes home. His woman also bought the clothes and the video game. He is driving her car, and using her credit card. On many occasions he has used that card and her money for other women. When the rent and other bills are due, and when she needs him the most, he is nowhere to be found. Even with all of his losing ways, it seems as if it will still take an act of God for her to get rid of him!
For the most part, the "good guy" does get the girl in the end, but at what cost to him?. He has been told all this time that he was not fit to be anything more than a friend or a future option. He sees himself as being the safe bet and trust me, no man wants to feel that way. The same passion that you once had for the "bad boy" does not seem to be the same passion that you have for him. The "bad boy" used to disrespect you and call you out of your name, but you were sexing him up like crazy. Now you need to feel committed and loved so that you can be in the mood. A good guy has no problem with treating you with respect but it is only human for him to wonder why you could be somebody else's tramp and then want him to treat you like a lady. This man cooks, cleans, and helps pay the bills and now you want to ration sex with him. The other guy did little to nothing and you used to let him roll over on you whenever he wanted. Good guys know that and it bothers us all. We may or may not say it but it is the truth. So I ask, now you want me when you have been used and abused? You truly haven't given me the best of you, just the rest of you.
I always thought that I was part of the cool crew because I was well known in school. I was on the debate team and I was a jock as well I always dressed the part and looked the part but I was not what women were looking for at the time. As crazy at it sounds (and it does sound crazy), I had too much respect for women. I was taught to be a gentleman. To be the type of man who would listen to you when you needed a friend, open the door for you when we were out, and to treat you with the respect that women deserve. That, my friend, did not work! All of my girl friends said that they wanted the traits that they saw in me for their man but always seemed to choose the opposite.
Women say that they want a man who will listen to them but instead fall for men who can care less about anything that they have to say. Women say that they want to be romanced and yet they choose the guy that calls only when he needs something. Women say that they want a dependable man and yet they often chose a man who they know is not and will never be dependable. Often times a man does not know what a woman wants because she confuses him with the things that she says versus the things that she does. So I began to ask what was I doing wrong and why did women want the opposite of me?
When I got to college, I tried for a brief period to live outside of myself. I must admit, this time period brought about a change in my dating career. Though it brought various women to me, it also made me lose a little respect for females.. Seeing myself mistreat women was not how I was raised - but women loved it! Trying to be a good man only left you in the "future guy" category. You know the "future guy" - he is the guy that you eventually settle down with but not right now. When reading an article on Ask.Com they said that," A bad boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence, and confidence. To women, these traits--especially confidence--are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the bad boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance." You see, the good guy is too boring and straight laced. He is predictable and can easily be run over. At least that is what some women seem to think!
I now look back at the so called "bad boy" and I see that he is still up to his old ways. He is the guy with no job and yet his clothes cost more than mine - and I work everyday. He is the one playing PlayStation from the time his woman goes to work to when she comes home. His woman also bought the clothes and the video game. He is driving her car, and using her credit card. On many occasions he has used that card and her money for other women. When the rent and other bills are due, and when she needs him the most, he is nowhere to be found. Even with all of his losing ways, it seems as if it will still take an act of God for her to get rid of him!
For the most part, the "good guy" does get the girl in the end, but at what cost to him?. He has been told all this time that he was not fit to be anything more than a friend or a future option. He sees himself as being the safe bet and trust me, no man wants to feel that way. The same passion that you once had for the "bad boy" does not seem to be the same passion that you have for him. The "bad boy" used to disrespect you and call you out of your name, but you were sexing him up like crazy. Now you need to feel committed and loved so that you can be in the mood. A good guy has no problem with treating you with respect but it is only human for him to wonder why you could be somebody else's tramp and then want him to treat you like a lady. This man cooks, cleans, and helps pay the bills and now you want to ration sex with him. The other guy did little to nothing and you used to let him roll over on you whenever he wanted. Good guys know that and it bothers us all. We may or may not say it but it is the truth. So I ask, now you want me when you have been used and abused? You truly haven't given me the best of you, just the rest of you.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
THE EXCEPTION IS NOT THE RULE
The Exception Is Not The Rule
A few weeks ago my wife and I watched two movies. The movies were titled "No Strings Attached" and "Better Than Sex." The premise of "No Strings Attached" is that the two main characters would begin a sexual relationship that would continue but only if they remained true to the promise of not falling for each other. In "Better Than Sex" the characters decide to have a one night stand and think that this would not be that big of a deal because the male character in the story was to leave town for good in three days.
Though you have never seen these movies, you have probably seen many movies just like these. Ultimately the characters begin to develop feelings for each other. They try to deny their feelings but in the end they begin to pursue a relationship and live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is not the real world. Sure some people have gotten together based on one night stands and or casual sexual encounters but this is definitely the exception to the rule.
We have already established that men and women view things differently. For the most part sex is just sex for the male. Have there been times when a man wanted more than just a casual sexual encounter with a woman, of course. Have there been times when a woman only wanted sex and nothing more, of course. Yet we must realize that these are not the rules, they are the exceptions to the rules.
I cannot tell you how many times a girlfriend of mine has gotten her feelings hurt because she tried to play this crazy game. Think of the times when you said to yourself or others that you were a grown woman and if you wanted to have sex, that is what you were going to do. Now think about the times that you said this and ultimately regretted having sex. It seemed like a good idea at the time because your hormones were raging but when it was all said and done, you felt empty because of it. When asked can a woman be friends with benefits Dr. Laura Berman writes in The Book of Love, "It's possible, but there's a catch-22. If a tumble is satisfyingly complete for a woman, her brain becomes flooded with the bonding chemical oxytocin. Most women won't be able to have good sex with you and not become attached."
So many times I have heard women claim that they see sex in a different light than men. They say that sex is more than just the physical and that it is also an emotional bound. So than I ask, how do you think that you can just have casual sex, if you need an emotional bound? Do you think that you can train yourself to get rid of your emotions? Do you think that like these Hollywood movies that one day you will meet the man of your dreams while having meaningless sex with him? How long will you continue claiming one thing, while pursuing the total opposite? Do the rules not apply to you because you are the one exception to them?!
A few weeks ago my wife and I watched two movies. The movies were titled "No Strings Attached" and "Better Than Sex." The premise of "No Strings Attached" is that the two main characters would begin a sexual relationship that would continue but only if they remained true to the promise of not falling for each other. In "Better Than Sex" the characters decide to have a one night stand and think that this would not be that big of a deal because the male character in the story was to leave town for good in three days.
Though you have never seen these movies, you have probably seen many movies just like these. Ultimately the characters begin to develop feelings for each other. They try to deny their feelings but in the end they begin to pursue a relationship and live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is not the real world. Sure some people have gotten together based on one night stands and or casual sexual encounters but this is definitely the exception to the rule.
We have already established that men and women view things differently. For the most part sex is just sex for the male. Have there been times when a man wanted more than just a casual sexual encounter with a woman, of course. Have there been times when a woman only wanted sex and nothing more, of course. Yet we must realize that these are not the rules, they are the exceptions to the rules.
I cannot tell you how many times a girlfriend of mine has gotten her feelings hurt because she tried to play this crazy game. Think of the times when you said to yourself or others that you were a grown woman and if you wanted to have sex, that is what you were going to do. Now think about the times that you said this and ultimately regretted having sex. It seemed like a good idea at the time because your hormones were raging but when it was all said and done, you felt empty because of it. When asked can a woman be friends with benefits Dr. Laura Berman writes in The Book of Love, "It's possible, but there's a catch-22. If a tumble is satisfyingly complete for a woman, her brain becomes flooded with the bonding chemical oxytocin. Most women won't be able to have good sex with you and not become attached."
So many times I have heard women claim that they see sex in a different light than men. They say that sex is more than just the physical and that it is also an emotional bound. So than I ask, how do you think that you can just have casual sex, if you need an emotional bound? Do you think that you can train yourself to get rid of your emotions? Do you think that like these Hollywood movies that one day you will meet the man of your dreams while having meaningless sex with him? How long will you continue claiming one thing, while pursuing the total opposite? Do the rules not apply to you because you are the one exception to them?!
GIVING YOUR GIFT AWAY
Giving Your Gift Away
I was reading Men's Health Magazine not too long ago when I ran across an article title 30 Secrets Women Keep. In the article women say that they would not tell there partner how many men they had slept with. The article goes on to say that even if she did give you a number of men she slept with, odds are she may have been lying to you. If that was not bad enough they say, "Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet."
Many women try to stay away from this conversation because we live in a society that does have double standards. Let's be honest about this for a second, if a woman has slept with x amount of men, even other women look at her in a negative light. For men however, it is almost accepted that he has "sown his royal oates." When watching a scene in the movie Better Than Sex the female character admitted to having had 27 sexual partners while the male character admitted that he had slept with somewhere between 40-50 women. Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this picture?
I am not writing about the double standards amongst our sexual practices. That is beyond old and quite frankly a stupid argument. What I write about today is the gift that we have given away. Most of us who have gotten married, did not get married as virgins and though some of us have a conservative number of sexual partners, others will probably put Wilt Chamberlain to shame. This my friend should not be. If you have had sex with one more person than your spouse, you have already given away your gift.
Most of us were raised in the church and taught that we should not have sex before marriage. This was the design of the God. Sex was meant to be enjoyed and is a beautiful thing. It was meant to be the gift that you gave to your spouse and only your spouse. Now sex is just a thing. It no longer holds any real significance to us because everyone is doing it. Now elementary school kids are having sex. How sad is that?!
People think that their sexual past is just that, their sexual past. They believe that you should not worry about their past because that past does not involve you, but I disagree. In the movie For Colored Girls one of the main characters is seen in the doctor's office crying with her husband because they cannot have kids. She admits to him for the first time that she had contracted a disease from another man some time ago and this is the reason that she couldn't conceive. Her past had now become their past. Many women cannot conceive due to past abortions and husbands have to find this out in the worst of ways.
This isn't just on women. Men are just as guilty. Because of our foolish ways we have spread disease throughout the land. On top of that, we run around getting women pregnant and in many cases random women. Before you know it, we have two and three baby mommas. Your past is not just about you especially not when some of those crazy baby mommas come knocking on your door. Your future wife is not all that accepting when she sees how much child support has to be paid on a monthly basis. She should be the first and only mother of your child. These things are the outward consequences of past sexual relations. What about the inward things.
In a survey from Men's Health Magazine 51 percent of women said that is was natural to fantasize about other men while having sex. Though some men could care a less about what a woman is thinking during sex, I caution you that this is not a good thing. Make no mistake that men are guilty of this also but something that seems so innocent can become a big problem. Now you are starting to compare your partner to your old sexual partners. Trust me nothing good can come of this. Before you know it, your past is now staring your present and future directly in the face. Not all men and women are created equally but you get upset because your spouse does not do the things that someone else used to do. We are supposed to come into a marriage with the same amount of sexual experiences, zero. We are supposed to create our own sexual history and not have it blurred by other people.
We spend so much time worrying about fulfilling our sexual urges that we do not think about the future consequences of them. If you asked a man to give up his Rolex watch, he would want to know what he stood to gain from the exchange. If you asked a women to give up her new Christian Louboutin shoes, she would not give them up without a fight. Yet we give our bodies to just about anybody that smiles at us right. How many of us have people that we can't remember in our sexual archives? How many of us have people that we hate in those archives? Sex is supposed to be the closes that you can ever be with someone. You are physically inside of another human being and to us it means nothing. The once great gift that only one should have had the privilege of opening, is no longer valued the same way God designed it to be. So to you none married readers out there I ask you, how long will you continue giving your gift away?
I was reading Men's Health Magazine not too long ago when I ran across an article title 30 Secrets Women Keep. In the article women say that they would not tell there partner how many men they had slept with. The article goes on to say that even if she did give you a number of men she slept with, odds are she may have been lying to you. If that was not bad enough they say, "Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet."
Many women try to stay away from this conversation because we live in a society that does have double standards. Let's be honest about this for a second, if a woman has slept with x amount of men, even other women look at her in a negative light. For men however, it is almost accepted that he has "sown his royal oates." When watching a scene in the movie Better Than Sex the female character admitted to having had 27 sexual partners while the male character admitted that he had slept with somewhere between 40-50 women. Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this picture?
I am not writing about the double standards amongst our sexual practices. That is beyond old and quite frankly a stupid argument. What I write about today is the gift that we have given away. Most of us who have gotten married, did not get married as virgins and though some of us have a conservative number of sexual partners, others will probably put Wilt Chamberlain to shame. This my friend should not be. If you have had sex with one more person than your spouse, you have already given away your gift.
Most of us were raised in the church and taught that we should not have sex before marriage. This was the design of the God. Sex was meant to be enjoyed and is a beautiful thing. It was meant to be the gift that you gave to your spouse and only your spouse. Now sex is just a thing. It no longer holds any real significance to us because everyone is doing it. Now elementary school kids are having sex. How sad is that?!
People think that their sexual past is just that, their sexual past. They believe that you should not worry about their past because that past does not involve you, but I disagree. In the movie For Colored Girls one of the main characters is seen in the doctor's office crying with her husband because they cannot have kids. She admits to him for the first time that she had contracted a disease from another man some time ago and this is the reason that she couldn't conceive. Her past had now become their past. Many women cannot conceive due to past abortions and husbands have to find this out in the worst of ways.
This isn't just on women. Men are just as guilty. Because of our foolish ways we have spread disease throughout the land. On top of that, we run around getting women pregnant and in many cases random women. Before you know it, we have two and three baby mommas. Your past is not just about you especially not when some of those crazy baby mommas come knocking on your door. Your future wife is not all that accepting when she sees how much child support has to be paid on a monthly basis. She should be the first and only mother of your child. These things are the outward consequences of past sexual relations. What about the inward things.
In a survey from Men's Health Magazine 51 percent of women said that is was natural to fantasize about other men while having sex. Though some men could care a less about what a woman is thinking during sex, I caution you that this is not a good thing. Make no mistake that men are guilty of this also but something that seems so innocent can become a big problem. Now you are starting to compare your partner to your old sexual partners. Trust me nothing good can come of this. Before you know it, your past is now staring your present and future directly in the face. Not all men and women are created equally but you get upset because your spouse does not do the things that someone else used to do. We are supposed to come into a marriage with the same amount of sexual experiences, zero. We are supposed to create our own sexual history and not have it blurred by other people.
We spend so much time worrying about fulfilling our sexual urges that we do not think about the future consequences of them. If you asked a man to give up his Rolex watch, he would want to know what he stood to gain from the exchange. If you asked a women to give up her new Christian Louboutin shoes, she would not give them up without a fight. Yet we give our bodies to just about anybody that smiles at us right. How many of us have people that we can't remember in our sexual archives? How many of us have people that we hate in those archives? Sex is supposed to be the closes that you can ever be with someone. You are physically inside of another human being and to us it means nothing. The once great gift that only one should have had the privilege of opening, is no longer valued the same way God designed it to be. So to you none married readers out there I ask you, how long will you continue giving your gift away?
YOUR WEAKNESS USED AGAINST YOU
Your Weakness Used Against You
My wife has a saying (I don't know where she got it) – “Women are pink inside”. She uses this statement to illustrate the fact that women are not like men when it comes to dating and sexual practices. A man can tell a woman that he is not looking for anything serious and in most cases he means exactly what he says. A woman can say that she is not looking for a relationship but when things happen in her mind that seem to constitute a relationship, she begins to want more or think that the relationship is more than it really is.
A man thinks that if he tells you that he is not looking for a serious relationship, this is his way of clearing his own conscience. In his mind he is saying “I think she is cool enough to spend some time with but just not cool enough for me to want to make her my all”. He has learned a long time ago to separate his actions from his emotions. In all honesty though, he knows exactly what he is doing. He wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without the responsibility of having a girlfriend.
Women seem to differ from men when it comes to this. A woman can start off hanging with a guy with the thoughts of no strings attached but in most cases her emotions get the best of her. She begins to think he is cool because they have such a fun time together. They begin doing “couple things” without the actual title of couple. She at some point begins to think of him as her man while he still thinks of her the same way he did from day one. This, of course, is where the conflict arises.
Most women cannot play this particular game with men, because it is not what they do best. From early on in life women seek the “Ken and Barbie” or the “Princess and Knight in Shinning Armor” relationships. Little boys are stealing their older brothers’ Playboy magazines, dreaming of the day that they can feel a woman for themselves. Their feelings from early on are less about emotions and more about the physical. He does not dream of the white house and picket fence, he dreams of the nurse outfit and garter belt.
My wife has a saying (I don't know where she got it) – “Women are pink inside”. She uses this statement to illustrate the fact that women are not like men when it comes to dating and sexual practices. A man can tell a woman that he is not looking for anything serious and in most cases he means exactly what he says. A woman can say that she is not looking for a relationship but when things happen in her mind that seem to constitute a relationship, she begins to want more or think that the relationship is more than it really is.
A man thinks that if he tells you that he is not looking for a serious relationship, this is his way of clearing his own conscience. In his mind he is saying “I think she is cool enough to spend some time with but just not cool enough for me to want to make her my all”. He has learned a long time ago to separate his actions from his emotions. In all honesty though, he knows exactly what he is doing. He wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without the responsibility of having a girlfriend.
Women seem to differ from men when it comes to this. A woman can start off hanging with a guy with the thoughts of no strings attached but in most cases her emotions get the best of her. She begins to think he is cool because they have such a fun time together. They begin doing “couple things” without the actual title of couple. She at some point begins to think of him as her man while he still thinks of her the same way he did from day one. This, of course, is where the conflict arises.
Most women cannot play this particular game with men, because it is not what they do best. From early on in life women seek the “Ken and Barbie” or the “Princess and Knight in Shinning Armor” relationships. Little boys are stealing their older brothers’ Playboy magazines, dreaming of the day that they can feel a woman for themselves. Their feelings from early on are less about emotions and more about the physical. He does not dream of the white house and picket fence, he dreams of the nurse outfit and garter belt.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Are Men Born Vultures or Are We Raised To Become Vultures
Are Men Born Vultures or are We Raised to Become Vultures
For as far back as I can remember, sex has been on my mind. It seems as if the thought of sex dates back to elementary school. In a time when we are supposed to be our most innocent, my friends and I started to discover something that was too advanced for us to comprehend. Many little boys grow up in a house where uncles, fathers, and brothers inevitably have a porn stash.
I was talking with my wife the other day about the differences between little girls and little boys. A little girl plays with Barbie and Ken with a sense of innocence. She may have them walk together holding hands and will occasionally make them smooch but little boys are conditioned differently. Little boys will try to make the dolls hump each other while trying to replay the scene from a dirty movie. Long before he has had sex, the young boy has already developed a view of what sex is.
Think of the porn that men generally hide. Maybe back in the day it was Playboy, but trust me Playboy is like watching a sex scene on NBC compared to other magazines and media. Not to be crass but little boys are exposed to women with their legs wide open, penetration, and oral stimulation. In a time in which we should be learning about the Declaration of Independence and long division, we are learning about sex in the most unhealthy of ways.
Now times have changed and I saw the beginning of that change while I was growing up in South Florida. 2 Live Crew used to play on the radio. Guys would drive around in their cars with loud speakers blasting “Shake what your momma gave ya” and “Hey we want some p___y”. Before we knew any better, we were singing “head, head, and mo’ head”. Now little boys don't have to sneak to watch Playboy because BET makes sure that we see more than enough soft core nudity.
Little boys aren't really raised with the mind set of what healthy sex is. He is raised on terminology like “when you gonna let me hit that”, I am gonna blow your back out”, and “When you gonna give me some brains”…...So this is what he has become. Women aren't really seen as queens and princesses, but rather as objects of desire. For most men, it does not make him angry to see Nelly swipe a credit card down a woman's behind -he may think that it's funny and maybe even something that he wants to try. This is not an excuse for the male behavior, however I believe this to be an important insight into why he behaves the way that he does.
For as far back as I can remember, sex has been on my mind. It seems as if the thought of sex dates back to elementary school. In a time when we are supposed to be our most innocent, my friends and I started to discover something that was too advanced for us to comprehend. Many little boys grow up in a house where uncles, fathers, and brothers inevitably have a porn stash.
I was talking with my wife the other day about the differences between little girls and little boys. A little girl plays with Barbie and Ken with a sense of innocence. She may have them walk together holding hands and will occasionally make them smooch but little boys are conditioned differently. Little boys will try to make the dolls hump each other while trying to replay the scene from a dirty movie. Long before he has had sex, the young boy has already developed a view of what sex is.
Think of the porn that men generally hide. Maybe back in the day it was Playboy, but trust me Playboy is like watching a sex scene on NBC compared to other magazines and media. Not to be crass but little boys are exposed to women with their legs wide open, penetration, and oral stimulation. In a time in which we should be learning about the Declaration of Independence and long division, we are learning about sex in the most unhealthy of ways.
Now times have changed and I saw the beginning of that change while I was growing up in South Florida. 2 Live Crew used to play on the radio. Guys would drive around in their cars with loud speakers blasting “Shake what your momma gave ya” and “Hey we want some p___y”. Before we knew any better, we were singing “head, head, and mo’ head”. Now little boys don't have to sneak to watch Playboy because BET makes sure that we see more than enough soft core nudity.
Little boys aren't really raised with the mind set of what healthy sex is. He is raised on terminology like “when you gonna let me hit that”, I am gonna blow your back out”, and “When you gonna give me some brains”…...So this is what he has become. Women aren't really seen as queens and princesses, but rather as objects of desire. For most men, it does not make him angry to see Nelly swipe a credit card down a woman's behind -he may think that it's funny and maybe even something that he wants to try. This is not an excuse for the male behavior, however I believe this to be an important insight into why he behaves the way that he does.
Men Are Not Dogs... We Are Vultures
Something All women Should Know-An Unfortunate Truth
My wife and I are talking about having a baby soon. She is so excited about the potential of having little girls, while I on the other hand only want sons. She thinks that I don't want daughters because they will have me wrapped around their little fingers but that's not quite it - I just don't want my future daughters to deal with the Vultures that will surely come their way.
Yes, fellas - I am calling us Vultures. Men, like Vultures, are animals who prey on others. The Vulture seeks to attack weaker animals for the sake of fulfilling their own gain and as men, we are no different. They say that Vultures seldom attack healthy animals. Do we not do the same? We generally seek easy targets and women with some type of self esteem issue. I am sure by now healthy women would have noticed that many men stay away because if what we are looking for requires too much work to accomplish, we move on to an easier target.
I know that women do not like to hear a man call them weak and some of them think themselves to be stronger than they really are but that false belief opens women up to becoming lambs to the slaughter. Some confuse being well-educated, gainfully employed, and generally self sufficient as a protection against the Vulture but in all honesty, most men find that these things only mask other insecurities women have.
I am no clinical physiologist but the term “daddy issues” is real. So many women are trying to find love in the wrong places and in many cases will do some strange things to get it. They think that their actions will win the Vulture over, but it does not. The goal of the Vulture is to attack - and what better victim is there than a woman trying to win a man over while he does nothing to win her over. At that very moment (just like a vulture), it is as if he is flying in the desert and spots you from miles away. He can see the desperation of your actions in the same way that the Vulture can see the fatigue of the dying animal. In that very moment he knows that you are safe for the attack!
My wife and I are talking about having a baby soon. She is so excited about the potential of having little girls, while I on the other hand only want sons. She thinks that I don't want daughters because they will have me wrapped around their little fingers but that's not quite it - I just don't want my future daughters to deal with the Vultures that will surely come their way.
Yes, fellas - I am calling us Vultures. Men, like Vultures, are animals who prey on others. The Vulture seeks to attack weaker animals for the sake of fulfilling their own gain and as men, we are no different. They say that Vultures seldom attack healthy animals. Do we not do the same? We generally seek easy targets and women with some type of self esteem issue. I am sure by now healthy women would have noticed that many men stay away because if what we are looking for requires too much work to accomplish, we move on to an easier target.
I know that women do not like to hear a man call them weak and some of them think themselves to be stronger than they really are but that false belief opens women up to becoming lambs to the slaughter. Some confuse being well-educated, gainfully employed, and generally self sufficient as a protection against the Vulture but in all honesty, most men find that these things only mask other insecurities women have.
I am no clinical physiologist but the term “daddy issues” is real. So many women are trying to find love in the wrong places and in many cases will do some strange things to get it. They think that their actions will win the Vulture over, but it does not. The goal of the Vulture is to attack - and what better victim is there than a woman trying to win a man over while he does nothing to win her over. At that very moment (just like a vulture), it is as if he is flying in the desert and spots you from miles away. He can see the desperation of your actions in the same way that the Vulture can see the fatigue of the dying animal. In that very moment he knows that you are safe for the attack!
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