Honestly...Don't Decide For Me What You Think I Should Know
To me honesty is the most important part of any relationship. It is like standing in front of your partner completely naked with all of your blemishes out for them to see. At times it can be very difficult because there are things about us that we may be embarrassed about and yet it is freeing for us because they see us for who we are. Being dishonest or not being completely honest can be stressful and for the most part, totally unnecessary.
Let me make it clear, not everyone needs to know your business. A casual acquaintance does not need to know the most intimate details of your past. It's one thing to be transparent but telling everyone your business is just foolish. Common sense should let you know who you should tell what and when you should tell them. The one thing that I caution you on is to not wait too late to tell something of major importance.
I have a few friends who have sexually transmitted diseases that cannot be cured and they told me that they do not tell their partners about these diseases. They said that being honest in the past has left them lonely. Though I can empathize with them about this, I cannot agree with their lack of being forthcoming. Even if protection is used during intercourse, I would still like to know if someone is suffering from an incurable illness that could potentially be passed to me.
As I always say, we all come into relationships with blemishes. No one on this earth is perfect and we have all done some shameful things that we would like to never discuss. Most of us would like to bury our old self and resurrect our new being with a perfectly painted picture. But we know that doesn’t happen. We can try to wash clean our soiled clothing but a black light will surely embarrass you.
I have told my wife some embarrassing things about myself because she is my mate and my friend. Was she happy to hear many of these things? Of course not! I have no regrets in telling her though because I wanted her to know where I once was. She needed to know that this was Ilex of yesteryear and that the Ilex of today is a better man. Plus, I am a believer that what you do in the dark has a crazy way of coming out in the light.
Most of us believe that we can do anything we want to do but we are less enthusiastic about the possible fallout from these things. We are afraid to tell our mates about our past faults because we are afraid that they may not be able to handle them. So we hide these things in hopes that they will never be spoken of or come to light. Too bad life has this strange way of coming back to bite you in the hind parts.
I have seen with my own eyes husbands and wives finding out less than flattering news about their mates. These things sometimes have a way of coming out years after they happen and in places you would never imagine. Think about finding out some horrible things about your spouse second hand and in the most embarrassing of ways. Sometimes the fallout with these incidents are never repaired. I read an article where singer Gwen Stefani found out that her husband had a gay relationship in his past - AFTER they were married. They are still together (and we don’t know how that conversation went behind their closed doors) but something like this could be a deal breaker for most people.
When you go to buy a car, you usually get a Car Fax on it. You want to know as much as you can about that car's past because you are about to invest in that car. Once you get that report back, it's up to you to decide what you are going to do with it. Maybe you don't care that it has had several accidents or that it has had flood damage. Maybe you do care and you choose to look elsewhere. Ultimately the decision should be yours and you should have proper information before you make the decision.
I personally hate when someone says that something is their past and that it is none of your business. When you pledge to marry someone, everything about them is your business. Their past children become your children and their past debts become your debts. We should not pick and choose what we want to share about ourselves - let it all hang out. Many people will be willing to love you with all of your imperfections but when new information comes out, AFTER you’ve selectively shown them who you are, your relationship can take a serious hit that some people never overcome. It's better you be honest with me first and let me decide what I am going to do. Don't decide for me what you think I should know! When has a relationship ever been strengthened by dishonesty and/or secrets?!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Karma
Karma, Fellas... Do You Reap What You Sow?
"Karma" - Hinduism, Buddhism. Action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.
Galatians 6:7 "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap."
I am sure that if I did a word study that I would find other similar definitions of what happens to a man when he makes certain decisions. When you are younger and foolish, you may not think about the consequences of your actions. Maybe it's the pursuit of getting what we want that keeps us from paying attention and/or maybe we feel that we will take our punishments later?
It's so crazy to see what I have become and what my friends have become. We are now husbands, fathers, uncles, and God fathers. Our views of the world seem to be different than they were a few years ago. These guys used to run the streets with me and do some crazy things but now we are different people. Some of us however, have not had the good sense to change.
Most of us men are peculiar creatures. We like to dish out evil stock but we really do not want the return on our investments. You see now we are afraid of having daughters because we look back at some of the things we used to do. When we think about our war stories, they suddenly don't seem all that funny anymore - at least not when our little princesses or nieces come to mind.
When men are younger, we feel no sense of responsibility and ties - we felt that we could do whatever we pleased. All we wanted was to fulfill our needs and so some of us lied and did all manner of evil to get what we wanted from women. It didn't matter that she was someone's child. At this point in time, our Vulture mentality was at its absolute peak.
It's crazy but I hear my friends talk about what they are going to do to men if they try to disrespect their daughters and nieces. The running joke that most men make is that we are going to buy our shotguns for these little boys trying to pursue our pride and joy. What is sad about this in many cases is the fact that some of us are disrespecting the mothers of our daughters even to this very day. We want our child to have a healthy dating life and yet we are sowing a terrible seed in our own lives.
Think about what some of us are doing fellas - I know it sounds crass but I know of girls in college who have been recorded having sex with a guy and then have that tape blasted all around the school. I know of naked pictures and compromising situations in which many of my friends have had women.. Though I was probably the most tame of my friends, I was definitely no saint.
Maybe if we realized that these women were someone else's children and family members, we probably would not have been so eager to disrespect them. It's crazy how most men don't have a problem with seeing a woman's behind jiggle in a thong while tossing dollars at her, but let that be his daughter and someone has to die. It seems as if no one has a problem with watching someone else's daughter do filthy things for money but when that kid is ours, we will try to sue the distribution company so that no one will be able to watch the tape. Now we seem to care about what we call women because it's not too kosher to hear knuckleheads calling our babies out of their names.
Have we doomed our daughters by our own foolish actions? Clearly this is not always the case but this does make me reflect on my disrespect of women. When you look into your little girl’s eyes, you think about all of the things that you hope she will become. We often forget that the women that we hurt and disrespected are daughters themselves. Maybe if we think about what our future princesses will mean to us, we wouldn't be so quick to hurt other peoples’ princesses!
"Karma" - Hinduism, Buddhism. Action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.
Galatians 6:7 "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap."
I am sure that if I did a word study that I would find other similar definitions of what happens to a man when he makes certain decisions. When you are younger and foolish, you may not think about the consequences of your actions. Maybe it's the pursuit of getting what we want that keeps us from paying attention and/or maybe we feel that we will take our punishments later?
It's so crazy to see what I have become and what my friends have become. We are now husbands, fathers, uncles, and God fathers. Our views of the world seem to be different than they were a few years ago. These guys used to run the streets with me and do some crazy things but now we are different people. Some of us however, have not had the good sense to change.
Most of us men are peculiar creatures. We like to dish out evil stock but we really do not want the return on our investments. You see now we are afraid of having daughters because we look back at some of the things we used to do. When we think about our war stories, they suddenly don't seem all that funny anymore - at least not when our little princesses or nieces come to mind.
When men are younger, we feel no sense of responsibility and ties - we felt that we could do whatever we pleased. All we wanted was to fulfill our needs and so some of us lied and did all manner of evil to get what we wanted from women. It didn't matter that she was someone's child. At this point in time, our Vulture mentality was at its absolute peak.
It's crazy but I hear my friends talk about what they are going to do to men if they try to disrespect their daughters and nieces. The running joke that most men make is that we are going to buy our shotguns for these little boys trying to pursue our pride and joy. What is sad about this in many cases is the fact that some of us are disrespecting the mothers of our daughters even to this very day. We want our child to have a healthy dating life and yet we are sowing a terrible seed in our own lives.
Think about what some of us are doing fellas - I know it sounds crass but I know of girls in college who have been recorded having sex with a guy and then have that tape blasted all around the school. I know of naked pictures and compromising situations in which many of my friends have had women.. Though I was probably the most tame of my friends, I was definitely no saint.
Maybe if we realized that these women were someone else's children and family members, we probably would not have been so eager to disrespect them. It's crazy how most men don't have a problem with seeing a woman's behind jiggle in a thong while tossing dollars at her, but let that be his daughter and someone has to die. It seems as if no one has a problem with watching someone else's daughter do filthy things for money but when that kid is ours, we will try to sue the distribution company so that no one will be able to watch the tape. Now we seem to care about what we call women because it's not too kosher to hear knuckleheads calling our babies out of their names.
Have we doomed our daughters by our own foolish actions? Clearly this is not always the case but this does make me reflect on my disrespect of women. When you look into your little girl’s eyes, you think about all of the things that you hope she will become. We often forget that the women that we hurt and disrespected are daughters themselves. Maybe if we think about what our future princesses will mean to us, we wouldn't be so quick to hurt other peoples’ princesses!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Fantasies are meant for movies and novels
Fantasies are Meant for Movies and Novels...Not Marriages
It amazes me that the world we live in sees things that were once called corrupt as now being normal. Nothing is off limits anymore – it now seems like everything goes. Couples have now changed their minds on the things they feel are acceptable and respectful. The boundaries that were once set no longer seem to exist.
While reading several magazines and Internet articles, I've come across the subject of fantasizing about other people instead of your mate. Both men and women now say that they do not care if their mate is thinking about someone else while they are making love. They say that it does not matter to them as long as they are being satisfied. Even the so called experts weigh in by saying that it is healthy to have fantasies as long as those fantasies do not get in the way of your relationship.
To many it's not disrespectful if the other party is not aware. But my question is where do we draw the line? Is it ok if we fantasize about our favorite entertainer while making love? Is it bad to fantasize about an ex? Or do we only draw the line when things get too close for comfort and our mates are dreaming about doing filthy things to our best friend?
I have friends who engage in talks with their spouses about who they would be allowed to cheat with, if given the opportunity. I am not sure if this is just purely for jokes or if this list is compiled with the hopes of being fulfilled. I must admit these games don't work in my house - I am not sharing my wife with any one not named Ilex Bien-Aime. I don't like to joke about it either.
I understand that we live in a world that is filled with beautiful people. We will see attractive people everywhere we go. I am not saying that it's horrible to find someone else attractive even if it's one of your spouse’s friends, but seriously do we not feel the need to draw a line? My mind and my actions have changed a great deal since I've been married. When I used to see attractive women, I would break my neck trying to look at them. Now I look and give a brief admiration and go about my business. My wife may not be with me but I respect her anyway. I don't bring these women home with me mentally and I definitely don't bring them into my bedroom.
I try not to have conversations with my friends when they are talking about famous women that they would like to sleep with. I guess I look at it this way -Paula Patton may be an attractive woman and she may be star but at the end of the day, she is just another woman. I would never walk down the street with my wife and point out a woman that I would love to sleep with. She would never point out a guy that she would like to sleep with, yet we think it ok to mention some star who we think “could get it”. Think about that last sentence seriously! It is never a good idea to make your mate jealous even if the person is unattainable. Am I supposed to then be ok that my wife would love to sleep with another man if given the chance?
What ever happened to the true bonding of relationships and of the marriage bed? How are we becoming one when there are at least three of us in the act? How is it fair to your partner when you mentally bring home the porn star, the stripper, or your ex? Are we now so caught up in the new way of thinking and behavior that we have forgotten what the Lord Himself said about adultery? Adultery is not just the act of having relations with someone else other than your spouse. Adultery is looking upon someone else with lust in your heart (Matthew 5:27). In the end I think it wise to make sure that you keep your mind on your partner and not on others. If our end goal is true intimacy with our spouses, I guarantee that you will not get there by fantasizing about someone else!
It amazes me that the world we live in sees things that were once called corrupt as now being normal. Nothing is off limits anymore – it now seems like everything goes. Couples have now changed their minds on the things they feel are acceptable and respectful. The boundaries that were once set no longer seem to exist.
While reading several magazines and Internet articles, I've come across the subject of fantasizing about other people instead of your mate. Both men and women now say that they do not care if their mate is thinking about someone else while they are making love. They say that it does not matter to them as long as they are being satisfied. Even the so called experts weigh in by saying that it is healthy to have fantasies as long as those fantasies do not get in the way of your relationship.
To many it's not disrespectful if the other party is not aware. But my question is where do we draw the line? Is it ok if we fantasize about our favorite entertainer while making love? Is it bad to fantasize about an ex? Or do we only draw the line when things get too close for comfort and our mates are dreaming about doing filthy things to our best friend?
I have friends who engage in talks with their spouses about who they would be allowed to cheat with, if given the opportunity. I am not sure if this is just purely for jokes or if this list is compiled with the hopes of being fulfilled. I must admit these games don't work in my house - I am not sharing my wife with any one not named Ilex Bien-Aime. I don't like to joke about it either.
I understand that we live in a world that is filled with beautiful people. We will see attractive people everywhere we go. I am not saying that it's horrible to find someone else attractive even if it's one of your spouse’s friends, but seriously do we not feel the need to draw a line? My mind and my actions have changed a great deal since I've been married. When I used to see attractive women, I would break my neck trying to look at them. Now I look and give a brief admiration and go about my business. My wife may not be with me but I respect her anyway. I don't bring these women home with me mentally and I definitely don't bring them into my bedroom.
I try not to have conversations with my friends when they are talking about famous women that they would like to sleep with. I guess I look at it this way -Paula Patton may be an attractive woman and she may be star but at the end of the day, she is just another woman. I would never walk down the street with my wife and point out a woman that I would love to sleep with. She would never point out a guy that she would like to sleep with, yet we think it ok to mention some star who we think “could get it”. Think about that last sentence seriously! It is never a good idea to make your mate jealous even if the person is unattainable. Am I supposed to then be ok that my wife would love to sleep with another man if given the chance?
What ever happened to the true bonding of relationships and of the marriage bed? How are we becoming one when there are at least three of us in the act? How is it fair to your partner when you mentally bring home the porn star, the stripper, or your ex? Are we now so caught up in the new way of thinking and behavior that we have forgotten what the Lord Himself said about adultery? Adultery is not just the act of having relations with someone else other than your spouse. Adultery is looking upon someone else with lust in your heart (Matthew 5:27). In the end I think it wise to make sure that you keep your mind on your partner and not on others. If our end goal is true intimacy with our spouses, I guarantee that you will not get there by fantasizing about someone else!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
We Are Ruining Our Women
We Are Ruining Our Women
I hear men complaining about damaged women all of the time. If you were to listen to most men, you would believe that we are always the correct and sane sex, while women are crazy and always wrong. Too bad life is never really that black and white. Long before the book "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was written, men and women knew that we could not have come from the same planet. In all honesty men and women really don't see eye to eye on most subjects. At the same time though, we see and know more than we let on that we see and know.
I've written before that "Men are Vultures" because like the bird, we like to attack what we consider to be weaker prey. Men love opportunity and we will pounce on you when you are at your weakest point. Unless a man has been hiding under a rock all of his life, he generally knows the biggest weaknesses of women. Like a trained boxer, if he sees a cut under your eye, he will keep punching at it so that he can exploit it. This is why I can't defend men completely when women attack us for our misdeeds.
Back in the day men used to lie to women in order to get what they wanted. Over time we realized that there was no need to lie. We can now tell you the truth and still get the same results but without the negative names and labels that women used to apply to our deceit. At some point most women have heard “I am not looking for a serious relationship”. If you haven't heard it, trust me you will. That is the famous clause that both men and women use however the “male lawyer mind” has perfected it.
Telling a woman that we are not looking for a serious relationship is our way of saying, just in case something goes wrong with this little "agreement" we have, you don't have grounds to disrespect me or be upset because I told you so from the beginning. If you look back at my article, "Your Weaknesses Used Against You," you will see I have written that men know exactly what we are doing when we tell you we are not looking for anything serious. We know that women tend to say that they are cool with this arrangement at first but the law of averages will tell you, that most women cannot handle It. The man thinks that because we can say "I told you so," we are somehow exonerated.
Men, like women, love to be in relationships. The difference between the sexes is that at some point women tend to want one man and men tend to want many women with that main woman leading the pack. Men want the benefits of being in a relationship but do not want the responsibility of the relationship. So he is willing to take you out, come over your house to watch "Love Jones," and in many cases spend quality time with you doing whatever. He will unofficially be your man but trust me, he officially still believes that he is not your man.
Deep down fellas, we are ruining our women because we use what we know are their weaknesses against them, for our own selfish gain. If you know that women think a certain way and you still choose to do certain things, you should hold yourself accountable for your dishonesty. You are purposely riding this gravy train and in many cases are purposely being misleading. You really don't care that she will be hurt in this, all you care about is getting what you can get for as long as you can get it.
I understand that this is frustrating for both sides. On one hand we are telling women the truth. One the other hand women claim to understand and maybe even believe that they can survive the “just friends” category, yet both sides are GUILTY! Men are guilty because we know the results of this game before we start to play and women are guilty for deciding to play and then screaming foul once the game gets heated.
For my future daughters, I hope that men will change and learn to be more responsible. At the same time, if men never change I write this so that my future daughters and other women will decide not to get caught up in this foolish game.
I hear men complaining about damaged women all of the time. If you were to listen to most men, you would believe that we are always the correct and sane sex, while women are crazy and always wrong. Too bad life is never really that black and white. Long before the book "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was written, men and women knew that we could not have come from the same planet. In all honesty men and women really don't see eye to eye on most subjects. At the same time though, we see and know more than we let on that we see and know.
I've written before that "Men are Vultures" because like the bird, we like to attack what we consider to be weaker prey. Men love opportunity and we will pounce on you when you are at your weakest point. Unless a man has been hiding under a rock all of his life, he generally knows the biggest weaknesses of women. Like a trained boxer, if he sees a cut under your eye, he will keep punching at it so that he can exploit it. This is why I can't defend men completely when women attack us for our misdeeds.
Back in the day men used to lie to women in order to get what they wanted. Over time we realized that there was no need to lie. We can now tell you the truth and still get the same results but without the negative names and labels that women used to apply to our deceit. At some point most women have heard “I am not looking for a serious relationship”. If you haven't heard it, trust me you will. That is the famous clause that both men and women use however the “male lawyer mind” has perfected it.
Telling a woman that we are not looking for a serious relationship is our way of saying, just in case something goes wrong with this little "agreement" we have, you don't have grounds to disrespect me or be upset because I told you so from the beginning. If you look back at my article, "Your Weaknesses Used Against You," you will see I have written that men know exactly what we are doing when we tell you we are not looking for anything serious. We know that women tend to say that they are cool with this arrangement at first but the law of averages will tell you, that most women cannot handle It. The man thinks that because we can say "I told you so," we are somehow exonerated.
Men, like women, love to be in relationships. The difference between the sexes is that at some point women tend to want one man and men tend to want many women with that main woman leading the pack. Men want the benefits of being in a relationship but do not want the responsibility of the relationship. So he is willing to take you out, come over your house to watch "Love Jones," and in many cases spend quality time with you doing whatever. He will unofficially be your man but trust me, he officially still believes that he is not your man.
Deep down fellas, we are ruining our women because we use what we know are their weaknesses against them, for our own selfish gain. If you know that women think a certain way and you still choose to do certain things, you should hold yourself accountable for your dishonesty. You are purposely riding this gravy train and in many cases are purposely being misleading. You really don't care that she will be hurt in this, all you care about is getting what you can get for as long as you can get it.
I understand that this is frustrating for both sides. On one hand we are telling women the truth. One the other hand women claim to understand and maybe even believe that they can survive the “just friends” category, yet both sides are GUILTY! Men are guilty because we know the results of this game before we start to play and women are guilty for deciding to play and then screaming foul once the game gets heated.
For my future daughters, I hope that men will change and learn to be more responsible. At the same time, if men never change I write this so that my future daughters and other women will decide not to get caught up in this foolish game.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Love Her As You Love Yourself
Love Her as You Love Yourself
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.-Ephesians 5:25-33.
Fellas, we are often thinking of marriage from a one way street. We want our wives to respect us and to submit to us but we aren't willing to love them as we love ourselves. We often treat our wives as second class citizens and not the blessing that they should be to us. Our wives are not just an extension of us, they are us! Who would deprive himself happiness, love, and respect? Yet we do this to our wives all too often. The bible tells us that we need to be considerate as we live with our wives, and treat them with respect. The Word goes as far as saying, that if we don't respect our wives, this could result in the Lord not hearing our prayers.- 1Peter 3:7.
Maybe some of us need to step up to the plate and become the men God expects us to be. We feel that we can run the streets, stay out all hours of the night, and visit places that disrespect our marriages. It's crazy how we want to burden our wives and criticize them for the things that they don't do and yet we do not recognize the inadequacies within ourselves. We wonder why our houses are always in turmoil but forget to acknowledge our part in this turmoil. We are supposed to be the priests of our homes and yet God is the last person on our minds.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.-Colossians 3:19. As men we tend to treat our wives as if they are just some dude walking down the street. Some of us aren't as loving as we could and/or should be. We can use the excuse that it's just not in our nature, but we would pretty much be lying. We knew how to be kind in the dating process so we should remember that this is the woman that we fell in love with and the woman to whom we promised all of these great things. Besides, when has being harsh to our wives provided us with happy moments?
I've never been big on the term “happy wife, happy life” but I do see the benefits of following the instructions set up by God. When a man follows God, his steps are illuminated. He begins to see things from a much better standpoint than before. He sees his wife as a help meet and as a gift. He sees that his actions towards his wife are the same steps Jesus took for all of us. In the end we should recognize that when we do as the Lord says, we are pleasing in His sight. From there, because we are pleasing to Him, we will then be pleased. I am not saying that everyday will be walks in the park and making love under the pale moonlight, however I bet your life would run a lot smoother.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.-Ephesians 5:25-33.
Fellas, we are often thinking of marriage from a one way street. We want our wives to respect us and to submit to us but we aren't willing to love them as we love ourselves. We often treat our wives as second class citizens and not the blessing that they should be to us. Our wives are not just an extension of us, they are us! Who would deprive himself happiness, love, and respect? Yet we do this to our wives all too often. The bible tells us that we need to be considerate as we live with our wives, and treat them with respect. The Word goes as far as saying, that if we don't respect our wives, this could result in the Lord not hearing our prayers.- 1Peter 3:7.
Maybe some of us need to step up to the plate and become the men God expects us to be. We feel that we can run the streets, stay out all hours of the night, and visit places that disrespect our marriages. It's crazy how we want to burden our wives and criticize them for the things that they don't do and yet we do not recognize the inadequacies within ourselves. We wonder why our houses are always in turmoil but forget to acknowledge our part in this turmoil. We are supposed to be the priests of our homes and yet God is the last person on our minds.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.-Colossians 3:19. As men we tend to treat our wives as if they are just some dude walking down the street. Some of us aren't as loving as we could and/or should be. We can use the excuse that it's just not in our nature, but we would pretty much be lying. We knew how to be kind in the dating process so we should remember that this is the woman that we fell in love with and the woman to whom we promised all of these great things. Besides, when has being harsh to our wives provided us with happy moments?
I've never been big on the term “happy wife, happy life” but I do see the benefits of following the instructions set up by God. When a man follows God, his steps are illuminated. He begins to see things from a much better standpoint than before. He sees his wife as a help meet and as a gift. He sees that his actions towards his wife are the same steps Jesus took for all of us. In the end we should recognize that when we do as the Lord says, we are pleasing in His sight. From there, because we are pleasing to Him, we will then be pleased. I am not saying that everyday will be walks in the park and making love under the pale moonlight, however I bet your life would run a lot smoother.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Submit Yourself
Christ Submitted to God...Man Submits to Christ... The Wife Submits to Her Husband
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. -Genesis 2:21-24.
We hear these verses all of the time but it never really seems to hit home for most people. Sure it sounds good to say that we are one flesh but we really don't WANT to be ONE. I've noticed that people are too caught up in being individuals who happen to share the same last name and some bills but they still believe themselves to be individuals. Husbands want to go one way and wives want to go the other way. There is always this push and pull. Even the Lord says, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand."-Matthew 12:25.
All too often, marriages consist of two people trying to be the Indian Chief. About a year ago my wife and I attended group counseling at church. Within the course there were several women who admitted that they did not know if they would be able to submit to their husbands. This is a very important problem in most marriages because there cannot be two heads. Don't get me wrong, I can empathize with women on this subject. On one hand you are raised to be independent and self sufficient and then on the other hand you are called to submit to your husband. That can be a hard pill to swallow.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.-Ephesians 5:22-24.
These are not my words but are the words of God. Many times women refuse to submit to their husbands, who by order of God deserves that respect. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.-1 Corinthians 11:3.
Before women start to tune me out, I am not saying that a woman becomes our child or pet that we can order around without her say. A wife is also to be respected and consulted about how the family will be run, however she must still yield to her husband. She should have chosen a Godly man because when you chose a Godly man, you know that you can trust his steps. Christ submits Himself to God, man submits himself to Christ, and a woman submits herself to her husband. When these steps are properly followed, there is no chance for failure. As it currently stands, some men aren't willing to submit to God and when they do submit to God, their wives do not submit to them.
To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it. Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”-Genesis 3:17-19. When the family is not living according to the will of God, the husband is held accountable, not the wife. She and the children cannot just do their own things.
Marriage, in it's own way, is our religious faith all wrapped together. It's about submission, serving, humility, love, forgiveness, purity, and spirituality. Submitting to your husband and letting him be the priest and the leader of the home is not for the husband’s benefit but for the wife’s. Ultimately, your actions are about pleasing the Lord. When we fail at that, it's because we are deficient in one or more of these areas. We are so busy fighting to keep these individual deficiencies that we allow our marriages to falter. We are too selfish and self centered to make this thing work. There are too many people saying “I” and listening to this new age hype of what marriage should be. Marriage has always been and will always be two individuals becoming one flesh. The sooner people get back to that, the better marriages will become.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. -Genesis 2:21-24.
We hear these verses all of the time but it never really seems to hit home for most people. Sure it sounds good to say that we are one flesh but we really don't WANT to be ONE. I've noticed that people are too caught up in being individuals who happen to share the same last name and some bills but they still believe themselves to be individuals. Husbands want to go one way and wives want to go the other way. There is always this push and pull. Even the Lord says, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand."-Matthew 12:25.
All too often, marriages consist of two people trying to be the Indian Chief. About a year ago my wife and I attended group counseling at church. Within the course there were several women who admitted that they did not know if they would be able to submit to their husbands. This is a very important problem in most marriages because there cannot be two heads. Don't get me wrong, I can empathize with women on this subject. On one hand you are raised to be independent and self sufficient and then on the other hand you are called to submit to your husband. That can be a hard pill to swallow.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.-Ephesians 5:22-24.
These are not my words but are the words of God. Many times women refuse to submit to their husbands, who by order of God deserves that respect. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.-1 Corinthians 11:3.
Before women start to tune me out, I am not saying that a woman becomes our child or pet that we can order around without her say. A wife is also to be respected and consulted about how the family will be run, however she must still yield to her husband. She should have chosen a Godly man because when you chose a Godly man, you know that you can trust his steps. Christ submits Himself to God, man submits himself to Christ, and a woman submits herself to her husband. When these steps are properly followed, there is no chance for failure. As it currently stands, some men aren't willing to submit to God and when they do submit to God, their wives do not submit to them.
To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it. Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”-Genesis 3:17-19. When the family is not living according to the will of God, the husband is held accountable, not the wife. She and the children cannot just do their own things.
Marriage, in it's own way, is our religious faith all wrapped together. It's about submission, serving, humility, love, forgiveness, purity, and spirituality. Submitting to your husband and letting him be the priest and the leader of the home is not for the husband’s benefit but for the wife’s. Ultimately, your actions are about pleasing the Lord. When we fail at that, it's because we are deficient in one or more of these areas. We are so busy fighting to keep these individual deficiencies that we allow our marriages to falter. We are too selfish and self centered to make this thing work. There are too many people saying “I” and listening to this new age hype of what marriage should be. Marriage has always been and will always be two individuals becoming one flesh. The sooner people get back to that, the better marriages will become.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
No Means No
No Means No
I have a lot of female friends. When you have friends of the opposite sex , you tend to hear a lot of things. Women are truly from another planet - not trying to be disrespectful- I am just saying we see things differently. It amazes me how most men understand a situation in a certain way and at the same time most women see the exact situation in a totally different light.
A prime example of this point is when a man and a woman first meet. They may go out on a date and eventually they start asking normal date questions. One of those questions usually pertains to the future dating intentions of the other. "What are you looking for in a relationship right now?" is a big question. And if a man is semi decent, he will tell you that he is not looking for anything serious, if he in fact is not. I am not saying that you should ask for the check right then, but if you want something more, you probably shouldn't see him again.
When you are younger, this probably does not matter as much. You may not be looking for the man of your dreams at that point. In this case, I say date around and find what you want . And I didn't say “sleep around”, so please understand the difference. Usually women start to think of marriage and families before men do. When a women is finally ready to get married and start a family, she no longer sees it fit to waste time (or at least you wouldn't think so).
Men, for the most part, see dating in a different light. Because of society and because of our own foolish nature we have the fear of commitment. We spend most of our early adult years fantasizing about the women we hoped to have had and about the women we mistakenly believe we are going to get. We are stuck on the thought that marriage means sleeping with one woman until the day we die. So we usually hold out on marriage until we are sure -which tends to be after several years and after several women.
Odds are many women catch a man at a time when he is truly not looking for anything serious. When a man says this, ladies please take him at his word. Do you know how many times I have heard women say, "he is a dog" and "he lead me on"? He did not lie to you. Didn’t he tell you that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship? Wasn’t he honest with you from the very beginning?
When a man says that he is not looking for anything serious, he is saying that he wants to hang out with no responsibility and with no guilt attached to seeing you. If another girl calls you can't get upset. If your girls see him out with someone else you shouldn't be angry. He is not promising you anything except maybe a nice dinner and a few laughs each time you go out. However, the mistake is made when you decide to let the situation become physical.
Casual relationships are never a good idea, especially when you know that you want more. I think one of the biggest mistakes that a woman can make is thinking that she can change a man's mind. Trust me, it will not work! Yes in some rare cases a man has gone from being on the fence about a relationship to falling head over heels for a casual acquaintance however ladies, are you willing to take that chance with your heart and emotions?
I've had women tell me that they meet a guy and casually date. The guy lets them know up front that he is not looking for anything serious. A little time passes and they start to hang out more often. In my friends’ minds they feel as if the relationship is starting to become more serious. Some are afraid to ask what the guy is thinking but they hope by this increased dating frequency that this means he is finally changing his mind and now wants to take her seriously.
Please listen to my urgent warning! A man can show you all the "signs" of being interested in settling down with you. Unless he tells you this, PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME THAT THIS IS THE CASE! Sure he loves hanging with you and sure you may be the type of woman that he may eventually want but until he decides that he wants you to be his forever, you should stay clear of him. As I always say, men are Vultures. We love the opportunity that presents itself in these situations. It's like having the benefits of a relationship but without having an actual girlfriend. It's freelance dating at its best.
Men believe that by telling you that they are not interested in a serious relationship, this gives them the ability to do as they please. This is his way of protecting himself from being called a dog or whatever names women call men. He believes that he is justified because it is a fact that he is not lying to you. So instead of him lying to you, you begin to lie to yourself. You start off saying “ok, I will just hang with him and although I want more, I will not rock the boat”. Then it becomes “ok now I am having feelings for him and he seems to want more, eventually he will settle”. Either way you look at it, he warned you about where he was and you ignored him. You even ignored yourself. Dating is complicated but we tend to complicate it even more with our foolish mistakes. I say dating will become that much easier for you ladies when you realize that no means no!
I have a lot of female friends. When you have friends of the opposite sex , you tend to hear a lot of things. Women are truly from another planet - not trying to be disrespectful- I am just saying we see things differently. It amazes me how most men understand a situation in a certain way and at the same time most women see the exact situation in a totally different light.
A prime example of this point is when a man and a woman first meet. They may go out on a date and eventually they start asking normal date questions. One of those questions usually pertains to the future dating intentions of the other. "What are you looking for in a relationship right now?" is a big question. And if a man is semi decent, he will tell you that he is not looking for anything serious, if he in fact is not. I am not saying that you should ask for the check right then, but if you want something more, you probably shouldn't see him again.
When you are younger, this probably does not matter as much. You may not be looking for the man of your dreams at that point. In this case, I say date around and find what you want . And I didn't say “sleep around”, so please understand the difference. Usually women start to think of marriage and families before men do. When a women is finally ready to get married and start a family, she no longer sees it fit to waste time (or at least you wouldn't think so).
Men, for the most part, see dating in a different light. Because of society and because of our own foolish nature we have the fear of commitment. We spend most of our early adult years fantasizing about the women we hoped to have had and about the women we mistakenly believe we are going to get. We are stuck on the thought that marriage means sleeping with one woman until the day we die. So we usually hold out on marriage until we are sure -which tends to be after several years and after several women.
Odds are many women catch a man at a time when he is truly not looking for anything serious. When a man says this, ladies please take him at his word. Do you know how many times I have heard women say, "he is a dog" and "he lead me on"? He did not lie to you. Didn’t he tell you that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship? Wasn’t he honest with you from the very beginning?
When a man says that he is not looking for anything serious, he is saying that he wants to hang out with no responsibility and with no guilt attached to seeing you. If another girl calls you can't get upset. If your girls see him out with someone else you shouldn't be angry. He is not promising you anything except maybe a nice dinner and a few laughs each time you go out. However, the mistake is made when you decide to let the situation become physical.
Casual relationships are never a good idea, especially when you know that you want more. I think one of the biggest mistakes that a woman can make is thinking that she can change a man's mind. Trust me, it will not work! Yes in some rare cases a man has gone from being on the fence about a relationship to falling head over heels for a casual acquaintance however ladies, are you willing to take that chance with your heart and emotions?
I've had women tell me that they meet a guy and casually date. The guy lets them know up front that he is not looking for anything serious. A little time passes and they start to hang out more often. In my friends’ minds they feel as if the relationship is starting to become more serious. Some are afraid to ask what the guy is thinking but they hope by this increased dating frequency that this means he is finally changing his mind and now wants to take her seriously.
Please listen to my urgent warning! A man can show you all the "signs" of being interested in settling down with you. Unless he tells you this, PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME THAT THIS IS THE CASE! Sure he loves hanging with you and sure you may be the type of woman that he may eventually want but until he decides that he wants you to be his forever, you should stay clear of him. As I always say, men are Vultures. We love the opportunity that presents itself in these situations. It's like having the benefits of a relationship but without having an actual girlfriend. It's freelance dating at its best.
Men believe that by telling you that they are not interested in a serious relationship, this gives them the ability to do as they please. This is his way of protecting himself from being called a dog or whatever names women call men. He believes that he is justified because it is a fact that he is not lying to you. So instead of him lying to you, you begin to lie to yourself. You start off saying “ok, I will just hang with him and although I want more, I will not rock the boat”. Then it becomes “ok now I am having feelings for him and he seems to want more, eventually he will settle”. Either way you look at it, he warned you about where he was and you ignored him. You even ignored yourself. Dating is complicated but we tend to complicate it even more with our foolish mistakes. I say dating will become that much easier for you ladies when you realize that no means no!
Truth and Honesty
Trust and Honesty...The Pillars That Hold All Relationships Together
They say that two of the strongest pillars within any relationship are trust and honesty. Without them, we have nothing. When polling my friends on what they considered to be relationship deal breakers - you guessed it - lack of trust and honesty were at the top of all issues. Unfortunately many of us have lost our ability to fully trust others.
Remember when we were young, we trusted everything. For some of us, the worst lie ever told was about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. For years we were taught to trust our families and the only people we were taught not to trust were strangers. However some of us lost our ability to trust from those who were supposed to be the most trustworthy people in our lives. Mothers have sold children for drugs. Fathers, uncles, and brothers have taken the innocence from so many. Now we trust no one!
Time and time again we managed to drop our guards just long enough for someone to ruin our trust that much more. Before we know it, we are suspicious of everything that comes out of someone else's mouth. We begin to enter relationships from a “guilty until proven innocent” stance instead of “innocent until proven guilty”. Our tolerance levels are now becoming smaller and smaller. It sometimes seems to others that we are looking to catch them up in a lie, but to us it is all about protection. We are just waiting for you to show who you really are.
Some relationships get past this initial weeding out of untrustworthy people. We are able to survive and suppress our lack of trust yet the truth is that it has not fully gone away. To me this is the saddest thing about relationships because we have to pay and are making others pay for mistakes we/they did not make. We even get married to people we do not fully trust.
I guess that is why I am so honest and blunt about things and that is why I hate being lied to. My friends tell me that I am too honest but I see it as if other people are not honest enough. Over time we have been taught that lying is okay, depending on the reason for the lie. We’ve even named them “ little white lies” . Some of us think that we are not lying because we don't say certain things, but lying by omission can hurt in the same manner as a blatant lie.
People sometimes think that they are lying to protect you but in the end, no one is protected from the sting of a lie. Most of the time the reality is that people lie mostly to protect themselves. They are afraid of what you may say or what you may think of them. Too bad the world is small. You can only hold on to a lie for so long. When you least expect the truth to surface and in the most unlikely of places, the truth usually does appear. At that moment the relationship has taken a hit from which it may never recover. For others, that healing can take years.
The best relationships are the ones where people know just about everything about their partners. Some things are embarrassing and unflattering however because of your honesty, they don't seem as bad. We all come into relationships with stains on our lives - no one is perfect. Some people come into relationships with larger stains than others and are afraid to let them be seen but that is not fair to your mate. You can hold on to that notion that your past is just your past all you want, however I have seen it come back to haunt people time and time again.. It's better that you tell me the flattering with the unflattering things so that I can make the decision of whether or not I want to be with you. When you take that away from me, you show what I consider a lack of untrustworthy behavior and you seem as if you are trying to paint a different picture of yourself.
People think that it is the big lies that ruin relationships, however to me it's the little lies that add up. When you can't or don't tell the truth on things that are so small, you make your mate believe that you will lie on the bigger things. It's better you tell the truth and say something that I don't want to hear than to lie to me. Dishonesty is disrespectful and will never help a relationship grow. If you want to keep your mate, be sure to make trust and honesty priorities in your life!
They say that two of the strongest pillars within any relationship are trust and honesty. Without them, we have nothing. When polling my friends on what they considered to be relationship deal breakers - you guessed it - lack of trust and honesty were at the top of all issues. Unfortunately many of us have lost our ability to fully trust others.
Remember when we were young, we trusted everything. For some of us, the worst lie ever told was about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. For years we were taught to trust our families and the only people we were taught not to trust were strangers. However some of us lost our ability to trust from those who were supposed to be the most trustworthy people in our lives. Mothers have sold children for drugs. Fathers, uncles, and brothers have taken the innocence from so many. Now we trust no one!
Time and time again we managed to drop our guards just long enough for someone to ruin our trust that much more. Before we know it, we are suspicious of everything that comes out of someone else's mouth. We begin to enter relationships from a “guilty until proven innocent” stance instead of “innocent until proven guilty”. Our tolerance levels are now becoming smaller and smaller. It sometimes seems to others that we are looking to catch them up in a lie, but to us it is all about protection. We are just waiting for you to show who you really are.
Some relationships get past this initial weeding out of untrustworthy people. We are able to survive and suppress our lack of trust yet the truth is that it has not fully gone away. To me this is the saddest thing about relationships because we have to pay and are making others pay for mistakes we/they did not make. We even get married to people we do not fully trust.
I guess that is why I am so honest and blunt about things and that is why I hate being lied to. My friends tell me that I am too honest but I see it as if other people are not honest enough. Over time we have been taught that lying is okay, depending on the reason for the lie. We’ve even named them “ little white lies” . Some of us think that we are not lying because we don't say certain things, but lying by omission can hurt in the same manner as a blatant lie.
People sometimes think that they are lying to protect you but in the end, no one is protected from the sting of a lie. Most of the time the reality is that people lie mostly to protect themselves. They are afraid of what you may say or what you may think of them. Too bad the world is small. You can only hold on to a lie for so long. When you least expect the truth to surface and in the most unlikely of places, the truth usually does appear. At that moment the relationship has taken a hit from which it may never recover. For others, that healing can take years.
The best relationships are the ones where people know just about everything about their partners. Some things are embarrassing and unflattering however because of your honesty, they don't seem as bad. We all come into relationships with stains on our lives - no one is perfect. Some people come into relationships with larger stains than others and are afraid to let them be seen but that is not fair to your mate. You can hold on to that notion that your past is just your past all you want, however I have seen it come back to haunt people time and time again.. It's better that you tell me the flattering with the unflattering things so that I can make the decision of whether or not I want to be with you. When you take that away from me, you show what I consider a lack of untrustworthy behavior and you seem as if you are trying to paint a different picture of yourself.
People think that it is the big lies that ruin relationships, however to me it's the little lies that add up. When you can't or don't tell the truth on things that are so small, you make your mate believe that you will lie on the bigger things. It's better you tell the truth and say something that I don't want to hear than to lie to me. Dishonesty is disrespectful and will never help a relationship grow. If you want to keep your mate, be sure to make trust and honesty priorities in your life!
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