Honestly...Don't Decide What You Think I Should Know

Honestly...Don't Decide For Me What You Think I Should Know

To me honesty is the most important part of any relationship. It is like standing in front of your partner completely naked with all of your blemishes out for them to see. At times it can be very difficult because there are things about us that we may be embarrassed about and yet it is freeing for us because they see us for who we are. Being dishonest or not being completely honest can be stressful and for the most part, totally unnecessary.

Let me make it clear, not everyone needs to know your business. A casual acquaintance does not need to know the most intimate details of your past. It's one thing to be transparent but telling everyone your business is just foolish. Common sense should let you know who you should tell what and when you should tell them. The one thing that I caution you on is to not wait too late to tell something of major importance.

I have a few friends who have sexually transmitted diseases that cannot be cured and they told me that they do not tell their partners about these diseases. They said that being honest in the past has left them lonely. Though I can empathize with them about this, I cannot agree with their lack of being forthcoming. Even if protection is used during intercourse, I would still like to know if someone is suffering from an incurable illness that could potentially be passed to me.

As I always say, we all come into relationships with blemishes. No one on this earth is perfect and we have all done some shameful things that we would like to never discuss. Most of us would like to bury our old self and resurrect our new being with a perfectly painted picture. But we know that doesn’t happen. We can try to wash clean our soiled clothing but a black light will surely embarrass you.

I have told my wife some embarrassing things about myself because she is my mate and my friend. Was she happy to hear many of these things? Of course not! I have no regrets in telling her though because I wanted her to know where I once was. She needed to know that this was Ilex of yesteryear and that the Ilex of today is a better man. Plus, I am a believer that what you do in the dark has a crazy way of coming out in the light.

Most of us believe that we can do anything we want to do but we are less enthusiastic about the possible fallout from these things. We are afraid to tell our mates about our past faults because we are afraid that they may not be able to handle them. So we hide these things in hopes that they will never be spoken of or come to light. Too bad life has this strange way of coming back to bite you in the hind parts.

I have seen with my own eyes husbands and wives finding out less than flattering news about their mates. These things sometimes have a way of coming out years after they happen and in places you would never imagine. Think about finding out some horrible things about your spouse second hand and in the most embarrassing of ways. Sometimes the fallout with these incidents are never repaired. I read an article where singer Gwen Stefani found out that her husband had a gay relationship in his past - AFTER they were married. They are still together (and we don’t know how that conversation went behind their closed doors) but something like this could be a deal breaker for most people.

When you go to buy a car, you usually get a Car Fax on it. You want to know as much as you can about that car's past because you are about to invest in that car. Once you get that report back, it's up to you to decide what you are going to do with it. Maybe you don't care that it has had several accidents or that it has had flood damage. Maybe you do care and you choose to look elsewhere. Ultimately the decision should be yours and you should have proper information before you make the decision.

I personally hate when someone says that something is their past and that it is none of your business. When you pledge to marry someone, everything about them is your business. Their past children become your children and their past debts become your debts. We should not pick and choose what we want to share about ourselves - let it all hang out. Many people will be willing to love you with all of your imperfections but when new information comes out, AFTER you’ve selectively shown them who you are, your relationship can take a serious hit that some people never overcome. It's better you be honest with me first and let me decide what I am going to do. Don't decide for me what you think I should know! When has a relationship ever been strengthened by dishonesty and/or secrets?!