Fantasies are meant for movies and novels

Fantasies are Meant for Movies and Novels...Not Marriages


It amazes me that the world we live in sees things that were once called corrupt as now being normal. Nothing is off limits anymore – it now seems like everything goes. Couples have now changed their minds on the things they feel are acceptable and respectful. The boundaries that were once set no longer seem to exist.

While reading several magazines and Internet articles, I've come across the subject of fantasizing about other people instead of your mate. Both men and women now say that they do not care if their mate is thinking about someone else while they are making love. They say that it does not matter to them as long as they are being satisfied. Even the so called experts weigh in by saying that it is healthy to have fantasies as long as those fantasies do not get in the way of your relationship.

To many it's not disrespectful if the other party is not aware. But my question is where do we draw the line? Is it ok if we fantasize about our favorite entertainer while making love? Is it bad to fantasize about an ex? Or do we only draw the line when things get too close for comfort and our mates are dreaming about doing filthy things to our best friend?

I have friends who engage in talks with their spouses about who they would be allowed to cheat with, if given the opportunity. I am not sure if this is just purely for jokes or if this list is compiled with the hopes of being fulfilled. I must admit these games don't work in my house - I am not sharing my wife with any one not named Ilex Bien-Aime. I don't like to joke about it either.

I understand that we live in a world that is filled with beautiful people. We will see attractive people everywhere we go. I am not saying that it's horrible to find someone else attractive even if it's one of your spouse’s friends, but seriously do we not feel the need to draw a line? My mind and my actions have changed a great deal since I've been married. When I used to see attractive women, I would break my neck trying to look at them. Now I look and give a brief admiration and go about my business. My wife may not be with me but I respect her anyway. I don't bring these women home with me mentally and I definitely don't bring them into my bedroom.

I try not to have conversations with my friends when they are talking about famous women that they would like to sleep with. I guess I look at it this way -Paula Patton may be an attractive woman and she may be star but at the end of the day, she is just another woman. I would never walk down the street with my wife and point out a woman that I would love to sleep with. She would never point out a guy that she would like to sleep with, yet we think it ok to mention some star who we think “could get it”. Think about that last sentence seriously! It is never a good idea to make your mate jealous even if the person is unattainable. Am I supposed to then be ok that my wife would love to sleep with another man if given the chance?

What ever happened to the true bonding of relationships and of the marriage bed? How are we becoming one when there are at least three of us in the act? How is it fair to your partner when you mentally bring home the porn star, the stripper, or your ex? Are we now so caught up in the new way of thinking and behavior that we have forgotten what the Lord Himself said about adultery? Adultery is not just the act of having relations with someone else other than your spouse. Adultery is looking upon someone else with lust in your heart (Matthew 5:27). In the end I think it wise to make sure that you keep your mind on your partner and not on others. If our end goal is true intimacy with our spouses, I guarantee that you will not get there by fantasizing about someone else!